Some background: Mr. Could Be The One

This post is L-O-N-G. But, I suppose that’s how background stories usually are.

Back in early December, I met someone on Yahoo Personals that I was sure Could Be The One.

Here’s the first entry I wrote about him on my personal blog:

December 3, 2006

I was sitting in front of the computer while supposedly typing up a paper for grad school when all of a sudden I got a message in my Yahoo Personals from a guy who had a great profile, but no picture. He said that he thought I was “absolutely adorable,” and he gave me his IM screen name. Curious, I IM’d him. We chatted for quite a while until he finally asked if it would be alright if he called me.

I was having a great time with our conversation, so I gave him the number. Without making this too long (too late, I know!), he’s a fantastic guy. Here are some highlights:
~ 38 years old
~ district sales manager for a national auto parts store’s wholesale division
~ half Puerto Rican, half German (nice combo of olive skin and dark hair)
~ amazing personality
~ he’s witty, sarcastic, charming, and very complimentary
~he doesn’t care that I smoke (I KNOW I should quit, but it’s nice not feeling like I HAVE to)
~ he’s intelligent, up on current events, and not afraid to give his opinion
~ I think he might be able to handle my “intenseness”
~ he’s attentive but not too clingy
~ he understands how busy I am and seems totally ok with it
~ he already asked me out for a date

We ended up talking for hours that night. Hours and hours! I went to bed at 3:30 IN THE MORNING on a school night, that’s how great our phone conversation was. He definitely captivates me with his personality. Fearing that I might be getting a bit too excited and ahead of myself as I am prone to do, I made it really clear to Mr. Could Be The One that I am a plus-sized girl. (Man, I hate that term, but it sounds a bit better than “bigger”). Not only was he ok with it, he said that he liked curves. He also said that he has some weight to lose, too, and he’s been getting back into working out.

We seem to have quite a bit in common, and so far no “freakiness” has appeared. We’ll see.

For now he calls every few days to see how I’m doing, and never hesitates to tell me that he thinks I’m beautiful. Gotta love that as an ego booster.

Now I’m even more glad that Italian Crush (the last guy I met from the personals) told me exactly how he felt in all his brutal honesty — if he hadn’t, I wouldn’t have been open to Mr. Could Be The One.

It makes me feel good to talk to a guy who thinks I’m more than ok just the way I am, weight loss or not. Not that I’m not going to continue to pursue losing weight, I am, but it’s nice to be able to have someone who appreciates me exactly as I am.

So, our date is set for December 15.

Mr. Could Be The One and I dated for two months. In that time I began believing that I had found someone to love me and whom I could love. He invited me to dinners, drinks, nights out on the town. He surprised me with dates that were romantic and touching. He brought me a toolbox instead of flowers, which I loved, even though I’m not a handy girl. He constantly told me I was adorable and that he liked my bossy side. He even invited me on a trip to the Bahamas that he had won for being one of the top salespeople in his company. An all-expenses paid trip to an all-inclusive resort. Was I dreaming or what?

The only problem was that he seemed like he was holding something back. He did say that in the past he had jumped into relationships too quickly and they hadn’t ended well. He told me that he wanted to take things slowly because he wanted to do things right this time. I was fine with that.

Well, in my head I was fine with that. In my heart, I wanted to be his girlfriend. Officially. I wanted him to be my boyfriend, instead of “the guy I’m dating.”

Things seemed to be going along very well until Superbowl Sunday.

February 4, 2007

I got a call from Mr. Could Be The One around 9:30 this morning. I thought he was calling to solidify plans for watching the Superbowl together. He started out by asking me how my grad school work was going, and asking me a bit about my thesis project. Then I said, “so what time do you want to get together today?” He paused and said, “Actually, I need to talk to you about something serious.”

Right away my heart started beating FAST.

Mr. Could Be The One told me that he thought it would be better if we didn’t see each other anymore. He said that he liked me a lot, and that he thought I was a great person, but that he didn’t feel like he had worked everything out from his previous relationship and was feeling like he had been holding back for a while. He said that he knew it was because he really wasn’t ready to get into another relationship. He said that he knew that I like him a lot and that it wasn’t really fair to me if he continued on this way. He said, “it’s not you, it’s me.”

At that point I told him that that line was bullshit and so cliched. I told him that I thought it was too easy for him to tell me these things over the phone. I told him that he should be man enough to look me in the face and discuss this with me in person, but that would be a lot harder, because then he’d have to deal with the emotions and couldn’t just hang up at the end of it. I told him that I thought I deserved better from him.

He said again that he and I weren’t boyfriend/girlfriend and that we really hadn’t gone out that much. He said again that he liked me, and respected me, but that he just wasn’t the right person for me.

I felt like my feet had been pulled out from under me. My heart was beating fast and I really did start to get dizzy. Running through my mind was that here was this perfect guy for me, who thought I was funny, and cute, and who could handle my intenseness. Here was this guy who was sarcastic and cool, and who treated me like I was someone special. He made me feel like I was wonderful. He and I were so compatible, yet he was telling me that it wasn’t right. I’m thinking in my head that if it’s not right with Mr. Could Be The One, it just won’t be right with anyone. If this can’t work out, I’m never going to meet someone who I can build something with.

I told Mr. Could Be The One (through tears) that I had always compared every guy that I went out with to my Ex-Fiance, and none of them ever measured up. I told Mr. Could Be The One that he not only lived up to Ex-Fiance, but that he was so much better than Ex-Fiance to me. That I never thought I would feel these things with anyone again, and yet I did with him. I also told him that since it was over anyway, I might as well let him know that I had fallen in love with him. That I was shocked and disappointed, and didn’t understand why this was happening.

He said that he knew a month ago that I was falling in love with him. I asked him how he could know that when I didn’t even fully know that and he said he just did. He also said that the fact that I thought he was better than Ex-Fiance just meant that I had healed finally, and that I was ready for a relationship. “You’ll find someone who’s even better for you than I am.”

I told him that no one was going to be better for me than him and that it wasn’t that easy to find someone as special as him. I told him that he was a perfect combination of everything I wanted, and that I wouldn’t be able to find someone else who had those things and actually liked me.

I told Mr. Could Be The One, “so you’re going to take this time to figure things out for yourself and then what? What are you going to do if you realize that I actually was the right person for you and that you let such a good thing go? Are you going to have the courage to contact me? Or are you going to let your pride get in the way and just let it go?”

He said that he hadn’t thought of all of that yet.

I asked him if he was going to go with me to the Crab Feed later that week. He said no. I asked him if we were going to go on vacation together. He said no.

He said, “take care of yourself” and I hung up the phone.

And then I started to cry. Really cry. Gut wrenching, body shaking crying. Hopeless crying.

I paused long enough to call BFF and ask her to come over right away.

As you can tell, Mr. Could Be The One broke my heart. I thought that I had finally found someone to start sharing my life with. Not that I was thinking of marriage or anything like that yet. But I wanted him to be in the running.

Being the hopeless case that I am, I still have hope that Mr. Could Be The One will realize the mistake he made and contact me and tell me he’d like to start over. And you know what, I’d take him back in a heartbeat.

That’s what happens when you fall for someone, I guess.

Until then, I’ve written a new Personals ad. This one is much shorter and tells less about me. It’s really a distraction so I don’t call or email Mr. Could Be The One. If I get a few dates out of it, well, that will make this blog all the more entertaining to read, I’m sure.