Happy 4th of July, everyone!
Usually I spend the 4th with friends and/or family at BBQs and beach parties. There was the one year that Neece got married on the 4th of July, and I was in her bridal party. There was another year that I went out on a first date with a guy I met online on the 4th. And then there’s this year.
This year I am spending the 4th of July by myself. And I don’t like it.
I don’t mean to sound full of self-pity at all. My life is amazing and filled with wonderful people who show me how much I mean to them in thousands of ways throughout the year. It just so happened that today all of those people have other plans. My parents are going wine tasting with friends so we’ve delayed our usual BBQ until tomorrow. LC is going to spend the day alone with her family. Ish is off with her hubby for their annual 4th of July Reno trip. Not sure what Neece is doing, but since it’s her anniversary, I’m sure it involves couple-time with her husband. The rest of my friends all have boyfriends or husbands or families.
Spending the 4th of July alone really highlights for me that I am sick of being single. If I were dating someone, he and I would be spending the 4th of July together, and no matter what we decided to do, even if it was just to stay home and watch movies, we’d be doing it together.
The question that’s come up a lot for me lately is how the heck am I going to meet someone? I would never date another teacher at school because if things didn’t work out, it would be so awkward, plus can you imagine the field day the teenage girls would have with gossip like that? I’ve tried the online dating website thing and never really met anyone worth knowing. I’m fairly social, but it’s rare that anyone would come up to me in a bar or restaurant. And I’m not really a member of any sort of social club or organization where I’d meet someone. I guess my best bet is somehow being introduced to someone through a friend?
Yesterday I was thinking a lot about being 38. About how it’s so close to 40, and am I really going to get married someday, or is that just a pipe dream? Again, I’m not trying to sound down on myself or self-pitying, but it does weigh heavily on my mind sometimes. Luckily, my family never puts any pressure on me to get married. They know that I wish I were dating someone great. They also know that I think my weight affects my ability to meet men. Which I believe it does. Whether or not it should, if I believe it does, than it must. It’s like a self-fufilling prophecy of sorts.
I think I’ve come to the point in my life where I am really open to meeting a nice guy. I’m not going to put a ton of effort into meeting someone, because they say that you find love when you’re least expecting it. So, I’m saying I’m open to the possibility of meeting someone great. I’m putting it out there in the universe. And that’s all I’m going to do.
I’m going to keep living my life like I have been. Enjoying time spent with friends and family. Keeping active and losing weight. Relishing who I am and what I’ve accomplished. And if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.
And now I’m going for a walk to get outside of the house (and out of my own head) to enjoy the music on my iPod and the sights, sounds, and sun around my neighborhood.
i hear you. i was 35 when i finally got remarried, after 12 yrs of singledom. ( I had a previous brief 4 yr very young marriage)
The weight thing is definitely self prophecy – I had this discussion recently with another friend, who blames her weight for her singledom all the time. My response is.. your weight doesn’t affect how others look at you nearly as much as it affects how YOU look at yourself, and how YOU portray yourself to the world. If you are confident, and enjoy life, and don’t hide behind every tree, body or farm implement … and just put yourself out there with joy and are as shiningly confident in yourself as *I* am.. you will be undeniably attractive to a world of the right kind of man. There’s nothing more attractive than confidence and a winning smile. (in my mind…. which might be somewhat addled)
xox
I think part of my problem is that I have a BIG personality that comes on really strong and it’s difficult to find the right kind of man who can handle it. I’m extremely confident, and have a “winning smile,” but I think my thing is that I need to get myself out there more. Go to events/bars/gatherings where there will be other single people. I may not meet “HIM” right away, but I may make some new friends.
Ok, you’ve inspired me, I’m going to try to get out there a bit more before the summer is through.