So, where ARE they?!!!

On Friday’s Oprah, which I didn’t see, but read about in the newspaper, it was reported by Men’s Health Magazine, that my city is the #1 city in America for finding single men over 35.  Really? Where are they all hiding?  Not that I’m saying that there aren’t a lot of men here, because there are.  I’m just not sure all of these men are the type you’d want to date.  Or maybe I’m not their type?  Either way, it’s not like women here are beating men off with a stick.  Many of my single friends who live here have a really hard time finding dates.

And now that it’s been on Oprah you know I ‘m going to have to fight off a bunch of newcomers who suddenly decide to move to my city in search of men.  Great, more competition.  Like it hasn’t been hard enough to find a good guy to date.

Apparently the whole show had a lot of good ideas for ways to meet men.  I saw the following clip and I think that Steve Santagati makes some really good points.

I’m not sure why Gayle and the other woman on the show are so resistant to what he’s saying.  I think I may take a few of his tips to heart — especially the one about looking your best whenever you go out.  Not that you have to be all dolled up all the time, but just looking presentable.

Because, truly, you never know who you might meet when you’re out and about!  The One is somewhere just around the corner, I’m sure.

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A tangerine duvet?

As I wrote a few posts ago, I’m in the mood to redecorate my duplex. I moved in in October, and since it was the beginning of the school year, I really didn’t have much time to do anything other than clean and unpack. I do have a few cool decorations scattered about, but I haven’t had a whole lot of time to really decorate it and give this new place a sense of personality all its own. Most of the things I have in it are from previous places, which is fine, because they’re nice items, but whenever I move, I like to add some new touches. Plus, all of this stuff was in storage for more than 2 years, and it needs some updating.

So, I’ve decided (I think) to change the color scheme of the bedroom. In my previous place, I had this whole blue and white thing going on. Very tranquil, very soothing… but now, very boring. It just so happened that this duplex had blue walls in the bedroom, which seemed perfect for the decor. No need to change anything right way, which was great. Now that I’ve been here for 6 months, I’m feeling the need to spruce up the bedroom (and the bathroom and the kitchen/dinette, but that’s another matter for another blog entry down the road).

The thing is, I’m ready for a change — a major change. Sure, blue and white are nice and all, but I’m getting sick of it. And yes, the painting that I commissioned from one of my friends who’s an amazing artist goes so nicely in the room.

The picture quality here isn’t the best. The walls are blue (with a grayish tinge) and the painting is actually really, really vivid. I don’t think that comes across very well in this picture from my cell phone, but you get the basic idea.

So, one of the most difficult parts about completely changing the colors in the room is that my beautiful azul painting will no longer fit in. But, maybe it’s ok to put it away for a while. Or maybe I can find another place to put it in the house.

Anyway, I’m tired of the same old thing that I’ve had for quite a while, so I decided to start looking for some really cool duvets. The only quest more difficult is perhaps the one for the Holy Grail! I checked every major retailer online, and a few obscure ones, only to see the same tired duvets — ugly florals, boring solids, and geometrics that would look more at home in a bachelor pad. Then I decided to check out one of my all-time favorite stores — Z Gallerie. I’ve purchased many of my decorative pieces from them. (Back when I had money, aka my “Yahoo Year,” I actually furnished most of my apartment from them. Which worked out well until I moved to San Francisco and discovered that my beautiful couch and “overstuffed” chair wouldn’t fit through the doorframe. Damn those old Edwardian buildings and their small doors! But, that was a long time and many moves ago, so I’m over it…can’t you tell?!)

True to form, Z Gallerie had the perfect duvet! It’s bold and distinct. It makes a statement. It’s not boring by any means. And I love it.

This duvet would be a complete departure from my current bedroom, which I think I’m in the mood for. The fabric is silk, which I know may be difficult to maintain, but hey, I’ve had a white duvet for years, with not one spill. I never eat in bed, and unfortunately, the only activity that’s been going on there in recent months is sleeping, so I think the silk will be fairly safe. I love the middle-eastern vibe that the bed has. I don’t love all of the pillows they show with it, but I definitely think it could work. (Yesterday I went to Z Gallerie to see the duvet in person, and it was every bit as beautiful as it seems in the photo).

I’m not sure what colors I’ll paint the walls yet. Joy has been a tremendous help in the color department. She loves bold color on walls as much as I do, and she took the time to photoshop a few different wall colors and send me the pictures. It all depends on how bold I want to make the bedroom. First I was thinking of going with a chocolate brown color. Then I thought maybe some sort of bold pink. But then I realized that I might get really tired of that, so I am now leaning toward more of a cafe au lait color. I’ll have to make my way to the paint store and put a few colors up on the wall and see what I could live with.

All of my friends have really liked the duvet. ChrissyG thinks that it will energize me. DRMK loves the look. BFF thinks it’s fabulous.

My mom, whose decorating taste I completely respect and admire, didn’t. She said she thought I’d get tired of it quickly. But when I pointed out that I had a white duvet for 4 years, she agreed that maybe it was time to make more of a bold statement. “It’s your decision,” she said. Not exactly a ringing endorsement, but not a complete “yuck, it’s terrible” either.

One of the reasons that I want to get her buy-in is that I am hoping my parents will buy me the duvet set for my birthday in July. Being a poor teacher, I have to rely on the generosity of my parents for many of my major purchases. Too bad I don’t have birthdays twice a year.

So, dear blog readers, let me know your opinion. Keep in mind that I’m single, (and sometimes saucy), and I’d like my bedroom to reflect my personality.  If you have any suggestions for other duvets that I might like, put your ideas in the comments.

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The Guilt List

My college alma mater says, “any English major who hasn’t read most of these has no right to joy.” I’m bolding the ones I’ve read.

Achebe, Chinua. Things Fall Apart
Aeschylus. The Oresteia
Allende, Isabelle. The House of the Spirits
Anaya, Rudolfo. Bless Me, Ultima
Aristotle. Poetics
Atwood, Margaret. Surfacing
Austen, Jane. Pride and Prejudice, Emma
Barrio, Raymond. The Plum Plum Pickers
Barth, John. The Sot Weed Factor
Baudelaire, Charles. Flowers of Evil
Bellow, Saul. The Adventures of Augie March
Boccaccio, Giovanni. The Decameron
Boswell, James. Life of Johnson
Bradbury, Ray. Dandelion Wine
Bronte, Charlotte. Jane Eyre
Bronte, Emily. Wuthering Heights
Brooks, Gwendolyn. Blacks
Buck, Pearl. The Good Earth
Bulgakov, Mikhail. The Master and Margarita
Cather, Willa. My Antonia, Death Comes for the Archbishop
Chaucer, Geoffrey. The Canterbury Tales
Chekhov, Anton. The Lady with a Dog (and plays)
Chopin, Kate. The Awakening
Conrad, Joseph. Heart of Darkness, Lord Jim
Cooper, James Fennimore. Leatherstocking Tales
Crane, Stephen. Red Badge of Courage
Dante, Alighieri. The Divine Comedy
Defoe, Daniel. Robinson Crusoe, Moll Flanders
Dickens, Charles. Hard Times, Bleak House, David Copperfield
Doestoevski, F. M. The Brothers Karamazov, Crime and Punishment
Doyle, Arthur Conan. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes
Dreiser, Theodore. Sister Carrie
Duras, Marguerite. The Lover
Eliot, George. The Mill on the Floss, Middlemarch
Eliot, T. S. The Wasteland, The Four Quartets
Ellison, Ralph. The Invisible Man
Erdrich, Louise. The Beet Queen
Euripides. The Bacchae, Hippolytus
Faulkner, William. Absalom, Absalom!, The Hamlet, Light in August
Fielding, Henry. Joseph Andrews, Tom Jones
Fitzgerald, F. Scott. The Great Gatsby
Flaubert, Gustave. Madame Bovary
Ford, Ford Maddox. The Good Soldier
Fuentes, Carlos. The Death of Artemio Cruz, Where the Air is Clear
Garland, Hamlin. Main Travelled Roads
Ginsberg, Allen. Howl
Goethe. Faust
Grahame, Kenneth. Wind in the Willows
Hammett, Dashiell. The Maltese Falcon, The Glass Key
Hardy, Thomas. Return of the Native, Tess of the D’Urbervilles
Hawthorne, Nathaniel. The Scarlet Letter, The Blithedale Romance
Hemingway, Ernest. Farewell to Arms, The Sun Also Rises
Homer, The Iliad, The Odyssey
Howells, William Dean. A Hazard of New Fortunes
Hughes, Langston. Selected Poems
Hurston, Zora Neale. Their Eyes Were Watching God
James, Henry. Turn of the Screw, Ambassadors, The Portrait of a Lady
Johnson, Charles. The Oxherding Tale
Joyce, James. Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, Dubliners, Ulysses
Kafka, Franz. The Trial
Kennedy, William. Ironweed
Kerouac, Jack. On the Road
Keys, Daniel. Flowers for Algernon
Kinnell, Galway. The Past
Kingston, Maxine Hong. China Men
Lawrence, D. H. Sons and Lovers, Women in Love
Lee, Harper. To Kill a Mockingbird
Lewis, C. S. The Allegory of Love, Experiment in Criticism
London, Jack. The Sea Wolf
Lorde, Audre. The Black Unicorn
Lowell, Robert. Life Studies
Machiavelli, The Prince
Mahfouz, Naguib. Midaq Alley
Mailer, Norman. The Naked and the Dead
Mann, Thomas. Death in Venice, The Magic Mountain
Marlow, Christopher. Dr. Faustus
Marquez, Gabriel Garcia. A Hundred Years of Solitude, Chronicle of a Death Foretold
McCullers, Carson. Short Stories
Melville, Herman. Moby Dick, Typee
Jean de Meun. The Romance of the Rose
Middleton, Thomas. The Changeling
Miller, Arthur. Death of a Salesman, The Crucible, All My Sons
Milton, John. Paradise Lost
Momeday, N. Scott. The Way to Rainy Mountain
Morrison, Toni. The Song of Soloman
Munro, Alice K. Selected Stories
Nabokov, Vladimir. Lolita
Nafisi, Azar. Reading Lolita in Tehran.
Norris, Frank. McTeague
O’Connor, Flannery. Wise Blood, A Good Man is Hard to Find
Orwell, George. 1984, Animal Farm
Ovid. Metamorphosis
Paterson, Katherine. Jacob Have I Loved
Pynchon, Thomas. The Crying of Lot 49
Plato, The Republic
Proust, Marcel. Swann’s Way
Rich, Adrienne. Selected Poems
Richardson, Samuel. Pamela or Clarissa
Roethke, Theodore. Words for the Wind
Rushdie, Salman. Midnight’s Children, The Satanic Verses
Salinger, J. D. The Catcher in the Rye
Saroyan, William. The Human Comedy
Scott, Walter. Waverley, Ivanhoe
Shakespeare, William. The Major Plays
Shaw, George Bernard. Mrs. Warren’s Profession
Shelley, Mary. Frankenstein
Silko, Leslie Marmon. Ceremony
Silone, Ignazio. Bread and Wine
Sophocles. Oedipus the King, Antigone
Spenser, Edmund. The Faerie Queen
Steinbeck, John. The Grapes of Wrath, East of Eden, Cannery Row
Stegner, Wallace. Angle of Repose
Stendhal (Henri Beyle). The Red and the Black
Sterne, Laurence. Tristram Shandy
Stevens, Wallace. The Palm at the End of the Mind
Styron, William. Lie Down in Darkness
Swift, Jonathan. Gulliver’s Travels
Thackeray, William Makepace. Vanity Fair
Thurber, James. The Thurber Carnival
Tolstoy, Leo. War and Peace, Anna Karenina
Trollope, Anthony. The Way We Live Now
Twain, Mark. Huckleberry Finn
Updike, John. Rabbit, Run; Trust Me
Virgil. The Aeneid
Wallant, Edward Lewis. The Pawnbroker
West, Nathaniel. The Day of the Locust
Wharton. Edith. The House of Mirth, The Age of Innocence
White, E. B. Charlotte’s Web
Whitman, Walt. Leaves of Grass
Wilde, Oscar. The Importance of Being Ernest
Wolfe, Thomas. Look Homeward Angel
Wolfe, Tom. Bonfire of the Vanities
Woolf, Virginia. To the Lighthouse, Mrs. Dalloway
Wright, A. T. Islandia
Wright, Richard. Black Boy, Native Son
Yeats, William Butler. Collected Poems
Yourcenar, Marguerite. Memoirs of Hadrian
Also, Genesis, Psalms, Job, Ecclesiastes, The Bhagavad Gita, Qu’ran, Song of Roland, and Sir Gawain and the Green Knight

 

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Which ones have YOU read?

I saw this list of 100 books on another blog. You’re supposed to BOLD the books you have read. I’m italicizing the ones that I should’ve read as an English major in college, but I only skimmed. This list is really eclectic; a mix of literary classics and best sellers. Here goes:

1. The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)
2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
3. To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell)
5. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien)
6. The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien)
7. The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien)
8. Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery)
9. Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)
10. A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)
11. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling)
12. Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)
13. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling)
14. A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
16. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (Rowling)
17. Fall on Your Knees (Ann-Marie MacDonald)
18. The Stand (Stephen King)
19. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Rowling)
20. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
21. The Hobbit (Tolkien)
22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
23. Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)
24. The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
25. Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
26. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
28. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis)
29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
30. Tuesdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom)
31. Dune (Frank Herbert)
32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
33. Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
34. 1984 (Orwell)
35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
36. The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
37. The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
38. I Know This Much is True (Wally Lamb)
39. The Red Tent (Anita Diamant) – got this on my shelf to read
40. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)
41. The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)
42. The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
43. Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)
45. Bible (only a few parts, not at all in it’s entirety)
46. Anna Karenina (Tolstoy)
47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)
48. Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)
49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
50. She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb)
51. The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
52. A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)
53. Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card)
54. Great Expectations (Dickens)
55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald)
56. The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling)
58. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
59. The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)
60. The Time Traveller’s Wife (Audrey Niffenegger)
61. Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
62. The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
63. War and Peace (Tolstoy)
64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice)
65. Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)
66. One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
67. The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (Ann Brashares)
68. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)
69. Les Miserables (Hugo)
70. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
71. Bridget Jones’ Diary (Fielding)
72. Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)
73. Shogun (James Clavell)
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)
75. The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)
76. The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)
77. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)
78. The World According To Garp (John Irving)
79. The Diviners (Margaret Laurence)
80. Charlotte’s Web (E.B. White)
81. Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timothy Findley)
82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbeck)
83. Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier)
84. Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind)
85. Emma (Jane Austen)
86. Watership Down (Richard Adams)
87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)
88. The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)
89. Blindness (Jose Saramago)
90. Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer)
91. In The Skin Of A Lion (Ondaatje)
92. Lord of the Flies (Golding)
93. The Good Earth (Pearl S. Buck)
94. The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)
95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)
96. The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton)
97. White Oleander (Janet Fitch)
98. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
99. The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)
100. Ulysses (James Joyce)

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Happiness = a new bathroom sink!

Since I moved into my place in October, there has been one thing that has bothered me about it. No, not the fact that there are hardly any electrical outlets. No, not the heavy traffic outside. It’s my bathroom sink.

The sink’s basin was completely corroded. At some point in the past, a former resident poured something in the sink and let it sit. The problem was that the chemicals they used ate away at the porcelain, leaving it pocked and gross. No matter what I did or how I cleaned the sink, it always looked disgusting.

Here, see for yourself:

This picture doesn’t even show how bad the corrosion was, but it gives some idea. When the management company who was leasing my duplex told me they were going to raise the rent $150 a month from what my friends (the previous tenants) had paid, one of my conditions for moving in was that they replace the sink. It only took 6 months, but finally, the plumbing company called me to schedule an appointment to replace the sink.

But of course, nothing could go smoothly. Over spring break a plumber came out to “assess” the sink. He determined that yes, the sink was completely corroded, probably because someone put draino or something in it for too long. Yeah, I could’ve told you that, so do you have a sink in your truck that you’re going to install? No dice. He said they’d have to schedule another appointment in order to install a sink, and that it would take about 3 weeks to order one. 3 WEEKS?!@!@ I wasn’t going to wait that long.

So I wrote a long email to the management company explaining that this had gone on long enough. The next day, one of their employees came by with a pedestal sink to install in the bathroom! I’ve never been so happy about a sink in my life.

An appointment had been scheduled for another plumber to come and install this new sink.

The plumber didn’t end up leaving my house until 9pm (he got there at 5:30)! There was some confusion about the faucet — the sink that the management company bought didn’t come with a faucet and my old one was ugly and ancient, so I didn’t want it on the nice, new sink. I emailed and called the management company, with no response. So, I called the plumbing company, and they said they weren’t sure. I was so afraid that the plumber would arrive and then have to leave because there was no faucet. Luckily, his supervisor had a faucet on his truck, so he came by and brought it.

The plumber who came to install it was a nice enough guy, but a little strange. He told me he lived in the mountains and that his girlfriend had burned down his bedroom with candles. (Sad, to be sure, but I wasn’t sure why he felt he needed to tell me this info). He also told me that he used to be the supervisor but that he decided to go back to hourly because he could make more. Oh, and that his son was moving to a new school because all of the kids at his old school picked on him. (Again, not sure why he’s telling me this, but that’s ok, whatever he needs to do to pass the time and install the sink).

As he was finishing up, he casually mentioned that he had spent some time in jail. Oh, great, I thought to myself, I’m really glad he didn’t mention this fact at the beginning of the evening. He went on to explain the circumstances of his arrest and that he was innocent, of course. At this point I kept thinking, just get the hell out of my house so that I can admire my new, beautiful sink.

Quite an improvement, no?

I need to paint the bathroom. The wall behind the sink where the old sink was is all unpainted and in need of some serious TLC. I needed to repaint the bathroom anyway, though. My dad said he’d be happy to help me this summer. I think I’m going to find a new blue for the walls. The current color has a bit too much gray in it for my taste.

I’m also thinking of painting my bedroom a completely different color — not sure what yet. I want to figure out what type of duvet I want and then figure out colors. Right now it’s a plain white, which is very clean-looking, but it’s getting a bit boring.

Plus the kitchen… so I guess it’s going to be a painting party this summer!

This whole incident with the sink and the fact that my entire mood changed once it was installed really shows the value and pride I take in knowing my home looks nice. I think it has something to do with my aesthetic sensibilities, and maybe just a bit because I’m a Cancer. Probably a lot to do with the fact that my mom is an amazing decorator and my parents’ house looks like it should be in magazines.

I’m very excited to think of other things I can improve and decorate in this place. Since I moved in, I haven’t given much time or attention to making it look really nice. Sure, I put a few pictures on the wall and bought some new towels, but I have been longing to really make it look nice.

Then I’ll be able to have some people over and truly start enjoying this place!

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Ahhh… feeling organized

I had a week off from work, and even though I didn’t get through everything on my To Do list, I am feeling really good about all that got accomplished.

One of the main things I’m proud of is that I’ve fully incorporated Weight Watchers (WW) into my daily routine. They always say that it’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle, and I think I’ve finally gotten that in my head and in my actions. I even made two “from scratch” dinners for myself! I spent a lot of time (probably too much time) on the WW message boards. Since I’m an online-only member this time, I look to the boards for the inspiration that I would normally get in the meetings. The number of people who are regulars on the 100+ lbs to lose board is really impressive. They are all struggling with the same issues I am, and so many of them have had tremendous success. I especially like seeing their progress pictures on their personal websites. I’m sure eventually I’ll do the same thing, but for now, I this blog is enough for me to maintain and update.

I also got myself into somewhat of a workout routine. I didn’t go as often as I had hoped, but I did go a few times, which is good. I’m really glad about what I did on Friday. I was supposed to go walking at a local track with DRMK, but she had to take a rain check. I had a hair appt. at 4pm, and so I went to the track afterwards. I began walking around the track, and my legs got major cramps – both in my calves and shins. I never experienced anything like it before, but I guess it shows how out of shape I am. I tried doing more stretches mid-way through my walk, but that seemed to aggravate the situation. I only made it 2 times around the track (1/2 a mile) before I had to stop. My legs literally couldn’t take anymore. Now normally I would’ve just called it a day, but I wanted to workout. Plus, I had my iPod loaded up with some great workout tunes, and I was ready to get my fitness on. So, I drove to 24 Hour Fitness and did 30 minutes on the elliptical machine. No cramps, and no problems. I felt really good about going to the gym after my failed attempt at walking outdoors. It shows some fitness progress on my part, which is huge. I also ordered a Core Ball dvd that CTLB had suggested. She bought hers about 6 months ago, and everytime she works out to it, she always says she feels sore muscles the next day. I remember that when I was working out with my trainer and he had me do the core exercises, I always felt it, too. I know I could do the core ball stuff at the gym, but the positions you have to get into are a bit embarrassing at my size. I figure that having it at home will give me the perfect way to do the exercises that I know are good for building strength and tightening core muscles. Plus, it takes away any “embarrassment” excuses. I’m going to keeping trying to get my workouts in, but I’ll really be able to set up and stick to a routine in mid-June. I really can’t wait.

Today I spent most of the day organizing my closet, which had somehow spilled out onto my bedroom floor and bed. I’m not sure why those clothes keep jumping out of the closet that way!! Putting everything back on hangers (or in the laundry) made me feel organized and ready for work tomorrow. Or, as ready as I’m going to be. Loads of laundry are currently spinning in the washer and dryer, and I’m actually folding them right away, instead of the usual mode of putting them on the bed and hoping that they somehow fold themselves. I love doing the laundry, you see, it’s just the folding and hanging up of the clothes that I hate.

I still have some work to do tonight, so I should get going, but it’s the nicest feeling in the world to feel like things are all in their place. Organizing my house helps me feel in control of my life. And what a great feeling it is.

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A Fat Rant

A Fat Rant

Joy Nash is saying so many great things in this video. She is the voice for millions of fat people (especially women) who feel less than… less than perfect, less than pretty, less than confident, and mostly less than human.

I love the part where she says that she uses being fat as an excuse for lots of things. While I don’t think I do that in most aspects of my life, I am guilty of it when it comes to dating. I think that most guys don’t look at me twice because of my size. While that is probably true in lots of cases, I’m sure that my bold personality and over-the-top manner are the reasons some guys aren’t into me. And you know what, I’m ok with that.

I know so many people (myself included) who are putting off fully living their lives until they get thin. I absolutely will not get into a bathing suit at my size. I simply don’t have the courage. I think it’s time to start living in the moment and not putting things off until “I get thin.” Which is not to say that I’ll be donning a bathing suit any time soon, cuz that isn’t going to happen, but I should give more physical activities (like running ) a try.

Now, this in no way means that I’m going to give up on my quest to lose weight, because I’m not. My mind is made up, and even if what she says is true and 98% of the people who lose 75lbs or more end up gaining it back, I’m going to be in the 2% that doesn’t. It’s all about changing your attitude and lifestyle. I want to be slim too much to let anything discourage me. This video is just a good reminder that I should love who I am now, while I’m working to become a better me for tomorrow.

Please watch this video!

P.S. – It should be noted that Joy Nash is not the same Joy who is the author of I’ve Got a Crush on…Me! Two Joys mentioned in one day – didn’t want to cause any confusion. 🙂

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I see it now: mad rushes to gift iTunes music

I’m writing this blog entry in order to share a wonderful experience that I had today. I know it might seem like self-congratulation or bragging, or something, but that is not my intent at all.

First, go read this entry on Joy’s blog, I’ve Got a Crush On…ME!

I had read a previous entry on Joy’s blog, which I love reading everyday, and I realized that she was feeling depressed. Having recently gotten out of a “funk” myself, I wanted to do something to cheer her up, even for a little while. I decided a song would do the trick, especially because her friend had suggested she buy some songs from P!nk to make her feel better. Joy loves her dog, Basil, and I knew The Dog Song by Nellie McKay would be quite appropriate. Not only is Nellie McKay a really quirky, fun singer, the song is perfect for any dog lover. Plus, the upbeat tempo is sure to make you smile, at least for the few minutes that the song is playing.

Since I hyped it up so much, why not watch/listen to The Dog Song for yourself:

Nellie McKay – The Dog Song

The main point of me writing about this incident is how much my one, simple act meant to Joy. It was the best 99 cents I’ve ever spent! To think that I helped make someone’s day a bit brighter by just doing something so easy is really special to me.

It puts things in perspective and really shows how small the internet is making our world. Joy lives in NYC and I live in the SF area. We would have never met or “known” each other, except for this wonderful, wacky thing we call the blogsphere. How cool is it that two people who have never met in person made such an impact on each other’s lives today. I get warm and fuzzy just thinking about the implications of it. {Why are you laughing? I know I come off as a smart-ass/tough-cookie most of the time, but there’s a sensitive side to Bella, too. Sure it doesn’t poke it’s head out too often but it’s there, trust me}.

I really want to try to do more things like this for people — both strangers and people I know.

That guy walking down the street? I think I’ll smile at him next time.
That woman trying to merge into my lane on the freeway? I’m gonna let her in.
My friend who I haven’t heard from in a while? Why not send her a funny e-card to see if she’s doing alright.

You get the idea. It’s the small things in life that can mean so much. I know that lots of people help to keep me sane and inspired on a daily basis, so this is the least I can do. Kind of like the message of that movie, Pay It Forward.

Plus, it’ll be nice to rack up some Good Karma points — I never know when I might need them!!!

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Seeing Green

This morning I decided to peruse my Yahoo Personals inbox to see the plethora of possible dates. (Like the alliteration and use to of SAT vocab. words? Thanks, it’s a gift).

What I found was something between sheer terror and utter amusement, but mostly just ridiculousness. Take a gander at my “options”:

• Ron from Seattle, “Fat Man seeks trophy wife” — Ron tells me that he may be my last first date ever. So, you get some points for honesty and confidence, Ron, but how the heck are we gonna go on a 1st date if you live in Seattle and I live in the Bay Area?
• Sean from Moss Beach, “Honest, lovable strong, and carring” (his spelling and punctuation) — Sean is really nice looking, but with spelling/grammar like that, I just have to say no.
• Lloyd from Concord, “Mostly teddy bear, looking to cuddle” — The first lines of Lloyd’s profile: “Take love in; let love hold you allow love to flourish and grow, nurturing your and thine souls. Give love time to fly throughout your eyes your mind your soul and your mouth.” I don’t know if he wrote that himself, or if it’s a poem he copied, but it’s just B.A.D.
• Chris from Mountain View, “ONE OF THE LAST-“ — CHRIS LIKES TO WRITE IN ALL CAPS, WHICH MAY MAKE HIM THE LAST MAN ON EARTH WHO DOESN’T KNOW NOT TO WRITE IN ALL CAPS. Sorry, I know that makes me sound like a tech snob, but so be it.
• Ray from San Jose, “Dance with me into the night” — Wonderful, until I see that Ray says he’s 52, although he looks more like 62. C’mon, now! My age range says 32-42.

And last but not least, there’s Angel from Capitola, “It’s time!” — As I looked at Angel’s pictures, I thought to myself, “Wow, this guy’s muscles are bulging and sort of ugly, kinda like the Incredible Hulk.” Not even lying, the next picture I click on is one of him from Halloween (I hope!) without a shirt on and in full green body paint!!! Are you kidding me? But Angel is quick to point out that “he’s not a gym rat.” Oh, phew, I was worried.

So, lovely readers, these are the latest “matches” I found in my inbox. Almost makes me want to throw my computer out the window, well, except that I love my computer. Maybe I should give up on the online dating?

But what’s a single girl who works full time (and then some), is in grad school, and has lots of family obligations to do? I want some semblance of a social life, after all.

Hmmm…maybe it’s time I tried Match.com?

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My own 30 minute meal and other positive goodness

What a great day today!! The weather was 75 degrees outside, and although it was really windy, you simply can’t be in a bad mood with weather like that.

• I got up and cleaned the house a bit — kitchen and bathroom. Even did a load of laundry.
• Read the paper and had some coffee, then ate a great breakfast.
• Ran around doing all kinds of errands.
• Worked out at the gym. 45 minutes on the elliptical machine at a really high intensity. My heart rate was between 150-155 the whole time, which is probably a bit high, but it felt great. As hard as it is for me to get myself to the gym sometimes, I’m always so glad when I get on the machine and start moving. Working out releases so much of my stress, and if anything, I should do it more often when my life gets hectic, rather than less. Somehow I have to figure out how I’m going to fit it in, but it has to become a priority.
• Went to Trader Joe’s after the workout (yes, sweaty and stinky) and found some really cool food. I love that store. Such great prices and very healthy choices, as long as you pay attention to the labels. They seem to have such interesting items from so many different cultures. Gotta love it.
• Came home and took a long, luxurious shower. I felt like a new person when I emerged, I tell ya. Muscles starting to get a bit sore, but in a good way, and clean and steamy. One of life’s simple pleasures.
• I had a small glass of pinot grigio and some chips and salsa. It was so nice to unwind. I think I should try to do it more often, even when I’m not on vacation.

Then I started cooking dinner. I love to cook, but I can count the number of times I’ve cooked something from scratch in the last 6 months on my right hand. It usually seems like way too much work, and some days it simply is, but the reality is that if you’re organized and have all of the ingredients already, cooking is really fun and enjoyable and not too labor intensive. There’s something so satisfying about planning, preparing, and cooking your own meal. Especially if it turns out well, like this one did tonight.

Menu:
Chicken breast baked with red curry sauce (a new Trader Joe’s purchase)
Swiss chard sauteed with onions and garlic
Basmati rice with a tsp. of grated romano cheese

I made 2 chicken breasts, so now I have some red curry chicken to put in a salad for tomorrow’s lunch.

Not only was the meal healthy, it was delicious. I really felt proud of myself. I’ve made a decision that from now on, I’m going to try to cook one really nice meal like this per week.

Watch out, Rachael Ray, cuz I can make “yumm-o” food too!! {Ok, sorry, that was corny, but I simply couldn’t resist}.

I’m really proud of myself today because I did so many things that were good for me. Truly good for me. It’s been a long time since I had a day dedicated just to me and my health and happiness. Guess I’ll need to make more of a habit of it.

Here’s to more days like this one!

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Dear Xerox…

Tonight I told Xerox that I didn’t think we should see each other anymore. It was difficult, but actually went better than I thought.

Yesterday, on Easter, he called me because he was at his friend’s house and she wanted to “read our cards” to see if we were compatible. I felt like telling him that she didn’t need to waste her time reading cards, but I went along with it because I didn’t think it was appropriate to tell him while he was at his friend’s place.

So this woman proceeds to give me a very generic reading. She knows what I do for a living, so she says, “oh, you’re a great communicator.” Thanks. “Your numerology adds up to 9. So does Xerox’s. My boyfriend and I are both 9s too, and we get along great, so that means that you and Xerox will too.” Ok, I know we’re not talking about scientific evidence when it comes to astrology, but give me a break! Because you and your bf are 9s and Xerox and I are both 9s that means that we’re compatible? Puleeze. The worst part was how excited Xerox was by this news. He has such high hopes, and I felt like I was lying to him, but last night wasn’t the right time to tell him how I was feeling.

Originally BFF had told me that I should tell Xerox in person, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt like this could be a phone conversation:

1. Xerox and I met online and have only gone on 2 dates.
2. We live about an hour and a half from each other. Coordinating another date seems like a waste of our time and energy, especially if I’m going to tell him I don’t want to see him anymore.
3. The sooner the better with news like this. Why give false hope? He may look forward to date #3 and then I end up dumping him while we’re on it? Not very nice.

So, I decided to call him tonight to tell him.

Bella: Hi Xerox. How was your day off?

Xerox: Hey Bella! I had a great day. I’m in such a good mood!!

{Oh no! Am I going to tell him news like this and ruin his day? Dammit! Oh, well, I guess it’s like ripping a band-aid off.}

Bella: Well, that’s good. I’m glad you had a great day.

Xerox: So, hey, do you want to see each other tonight? Or on Thursday? Or Friday? You tell me and we’ll get together.

Bella: …actually, that’s why I called you. I’ve given this a lot of thought and I really don’t think it’s a good idea for us to keep seeing each other.

Xerox: Uh-huh.

Bella: I think that you’re a great person, and I’m obviously very physically attracted to you, but I just think that we’re at different levels in our lives. I don’t think that you’ve worked everything you need to out yet. I think that in a few years’ time, you’re going to be a wonderful catch for someone, but that person isn’t me. At least not right now.

Xerox: Well, if you ever want to hang out and do something sometime.

{Maybe he’s taking this a lot better than I thought?}

{Wait for it…}

Xerox: You know, I would’ve thought that you’d have given me a bit more time. A few more dates. You don’t know me yet and you’re already saying you don’t want to keep dating me?

Bella: Well, I feel it’s better to tell you this now rather than wait for a few more dates when we might grow more attached to each other. And I think you’ve shared quite a bit with me about who you are and what you’ve gone through. I really don’t think it’s going to work out.

Xerox: I promise I’ll never mention [ex-fiance] again. Or anything that I went through. I won’t talk about it anymore. Then can we still go out?

Bella: It’s not about you talking about it or not talking about it. I think that you still have to work some things out. I don’t feel like you’re ready. Or, I’m not ready to date you. It’s just not a good fit. I’m so sorry. I do think you’re a wonderful person, and I don’t mean to hurt you, but I think it’s better this way.

Xerox: Ok, have a good week.

Ugh! I felt like the worst person in the world. But, you know what? I’m not. I’m simply not interested in dealing with all of the drama, and that’s ok. I’m not his therapist. We didn’t invest all this time in each other, and hell, we met online, so really, I don’t need to go on more than a couple of dates to figure out if I want to keep seeing him.

I hate having phone conversations like this, but I feel really relieved. I sincerely hope that Xerox finds a nice girl and is able to settle down.

As for me, I’m very content with the way my life is right now. Working on myself and my weight loss with Weight Watchers and looking forward to all that life has to offer.

Yoooooo Whooooo! Mr. The One? I’m right here. All ready for you. So anytime you want to find me, that would be great, ok? Cool. Can’t wait to meet you.

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Is this a 2nd date or a therapy session?

Yesterday Xerox and I went out on our 2nd date. Since he was spending the weekend at his parents’ house in Berkeley, I met him there, at the Berkeley Marina.

We had a nice time looking out at the water, and then went down to Telegraph Ave. to soak in the sites, sounds, and smells. If you’ve never been to Berkeley’s Telegraph Ave., it’s all that you have heard or imagined, plus some. You see all sorts of people: tourists, young families, college students, displaced hippies, homeless people, druggies, and locals who want to mix up their Saturdays a bit. It’s fun, eclectic, and free-spirited. After we walked around for a bit, we stopped for coffee at a really nice local place that knows how to make a great Cafe Au Lait.

As we were sitting outside sipping our drinks, Xerox started talking. And talking. And talking. I had asked him how his week went, and he began to talk about his job. I tried to interject a few quips about my own job, but each time I began to tell a funny story, he would interject something else about himself.

I hate it when people interrupt each other. This stems from being part of my big, Italian family where everyone would talk at once and you learned to be skilled at carrying on two or more conversations at once. Whoever talked the loudest and the fastest was the one who got heard. I still talk pretty fast, but I’ve learned that I enjoy actual conversation — the give and take. You talk; I listen, and vice versa. I hate interruption so much that I will let the person finish their thought(s) before I start to say what I had started to say before. Sometimes this works and the person realizes that he/she has been doing all of the talking. Given the fact that I’m a really energetic and spirited person, the other person usually realizes that they’ve been interrupting me and lets me have my “turn.”

Not so with Xerox. He seemed like he hadn’t talked to someone in so long that I felt I should just let him get it all out. What a mistake. He moved on from his daily work schedule to talking more about his ex-fiance. He spent at least 20-30 minutes on the subject. As I listened to him, I kept thinking to myself, “this guy is spilling his guts to me, but doesn’t know a thing about me.”

Xerox didn’t have a good relationship with his ex. On our first date he alluded to the fact that she “got physical” with him, which is tragic. It also explained to me why he lacks so much confidence at 42. I’m not an uncaring person, and I know that being in an abusive relationship is a horribly traumatic experience. My heart goes out to him, it really does. But at the same time, I really don’t want to spend date number 2 hearing all about how abusive she was and how he “never wants to feel pain like that again.”

I don’t know if it was the look on my face or the fact that I hadn’t spoken much in the 30 minutes, but he finally said, “are you feeling uncomfortable?” I told him that I was. That I really felt badly for him and all that he went through, but I wondered if he was really past everything and ready to start dating someone new. I told him that while it may sound uncaring, which is not what I meant at all, I really didn’t want to spend our date hearing all about the problems he had with her, especially since he had shared quite a bit of it on our first date. I told him that I had hoped we would start to learn about who we each are. I said that I knew that his past relationship and all that went with it has helped shape who he is now, and I understood that he was telling me these things so that I’d have a whole picture of him, but that I felt he should spend a bit more time letting me know who he’s become, not who he was. I told him that I’ve had my own terrible relationships, and one in particular that was absolutely horrifying. I told him that rather than taking a passive approach and “hoping” never to go through that pain again he should tell himself that he KNOWS he will never go through it again because he won’t allow it to happen. I told him that I had reached a point in my past where a really bad boyfriend was dragging me down to a place where I knew I shouldn’t be. He was isolating me from family and friends, and basically turning my life to shit. I knew that I had to put a stop to it, so I did. It wasn’t easy, and I went through a terrible low point where I didn’t trust myself or my decisions for a long time. But I eventually found my strength again and that I know I will never be in that situation again. I told him that I would much rather be alone forever than to be with someone that destructive.

He took what I said to heart, and realized that he had spent a good portion of our time together talking about this other woman. He said he was trying to be candid so I got the full picture. I told him that I appreciated his candor, but that I want to spend time getting to know him now, and for him to get to know me. This guy literally knows almost nothing about me. He knows what I do for a living, that I come from an Italian family, that I’m in grad school, and really that’s about it.

I don’t mean to give the impression that he is a selfish person, because he’s not. He’s one of the most caring, compassionate, gentle, warm-hearted people I have ever met. I just think he’s in the point in his life where he’s still working a lot of things out, and I guess it’s natural to be more self-centered when you’re working on yourself. It makes sense.

It also makes for a strange and boring date.

After our talk, we walked around Telegraph a bit more, and then he drove me to see this beautiful view of the entire San Francisco Bay. The street lights glimmered, and the fog was slowly rolling in. It was breathtaking. And romantic. Even though at this point I knew that I couldn’t see myself with Xerox long term, I was swept up in the moment, and the fact that I’m physically attracted to him.

After seeing the view, we went and got something to eat and then strolled around the Marina again. As we walked around and talked more, he revealed a bit more of his family history — his twin brother died of a drug overdose; his younger brother is currently in the county jail because of drugs; his mother has been diagnosed as a manic/depressive; Xerox himself has had severe bouts of depression, and two times in particular that were very serious. More baggage to add to an already full suitcase. The more he revealed, the sadder I got.

We ended the date with him giving me a huge hug and a nice kiss and saying how much he enjoys talking to me. He asked when we could go out again, and I told him to call me so we could arrange at date/time.

I was torn the whole drive home. He is a lovely man. He compliments me profusely, telling me how beautiful and intelligent I am. He is a fun person to be around, when he’s not dwelling on the sadness in his life. He will be a great catch for someone some day — just not me and not right now. He has a lot more work to do on himself in order for him to get past his last relationship and all the damage it caused him. He needs to work on his confidence and feeling comfortable about who he is. His family history and background are intense, to say the least. He and I are in such different places in our lives. I know that if I were to keep seeing him, I would help him build up his confidence. I can also see that he really wants to make someone happy, and is willing to morph himself into whatever that person wants or expects in order to do it.

I don’t want to be someone’s therapist. I don’t want to “create” the perfect mate. I want to find someone who is at the same level that I am intellectually, emotionally, and professionally. I want The One to be a self-assured man who knows who he is, and is comfortable in his own skin. I don’t want someone who changes to suit the person he’s dating.

I realized that I need to say goodbye to Xerox. I’m dreading it, because he seems so fragile, but I know that I have to do this for myself. I will go out with him one more time in order to tell him some of these things in person. I feel that I owe him that much. I hope that I can be encouraging and positive, but get my message across.

When I relayed my date to BFF, she said that she thinks that each new guy I have gone out with since last summer has been closer to The One. I’m learning more about the qualities that I want and don’t want in a potential mate. She thinks The One is right around the corner, just waiting for me.

I think she may be right. I also think that I need to continue to work on myself and my weight loss efforts, because for some reason, I’ve always felt that I will meet The One once I have lost the weight I need to. Maybe all of this is just preparation until that time comes.

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As I read over this post again to proofread it, I think I sound somewhat cold-hearted and selfish. It sounds as if this man is in pain, and all I care about is that he’s not getting to know me. It’s difficult to convey all the emotions that occurred last night. I guess I’m OK with the way I come off in this post, because I know what happened. I know how it made me feel, and I know what kind of person I am. I’m confident in the decision I made.

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A decision that will change my life

My life is hectic, crazy, and chaotic. It seems like there are never enough hours in the day, and that there is always more to do. I handle it the best way I can, but something has to give. Usually that what “gives” is my weight.

I’ve always been overweight and struggled to lose weight. Sure, there have been times when I’ve been thinner, thin almost. Like that time in high school when I decided my senior year that I didn’t want to be the fat girl on the beach in Hawaii for my senior trip. So, I joined Jenny Craig and lost a bunch of weight. I looked great, but because I hadn’t really learned to control my eating in the “real world,” the weight soon came back. Since then (about 18 years), I’ve gone up and down the scale more times than I can count. I’ll have success for a while, but then life will get even more hectic, and eating right and working out go out the window.

I’ve gained about 30lbs since October, and I now need to lose about 150lbs. That number seems so daunting, but I know that if I don’t really set my mind to this, it could mean a very unhealthy, unhappy life. Whether or not it’s true, I’ve always felt that my weight has held me back from finding “The One.” Not to sound conceited, but I’m a pretty girl with a great (albeit bold) personality, and yet I find myself failing to meet great guys. I know that many of my skinny counterparts also find dating difficult, but being a plus-sized girl makes dating all the more challenging. (On a happy note, Xerox says that he thinks I look great the way I am).

Losing weight has been a quest for the last 18 years. It’s the one thing that I don’t seem to be able to master. At most other things, if I put my mind to it, I will be able to achieve it. Not this, for some reason. I think that part of it is that the amount of weight I have to lose is so daunting that it discourages me sometimes. I’m not used to feeling discouraged, so I “give up” before I truly begin.

Last Sunday, I decided that I had to make weight loss a true priority in my life — as much as my job, my education, and anything else I have going on. I went on the Weight Watchers website and signed up for their online program. (I am so busy right now that I don’t have time to make it to regular weekly meetings). I’ve done Weight Watchers before, and had success. I like the program, understand how to count points, and like the freedom that it offers.

It’s been almost one week now, and I have to say that I’m feeling really encouraged. It’s amazing how keeping track of what you eat really does make a difference. I think twice about eating something, knowing that I’m going to have to log it in my online journal later. I feel more in control of what I’m doing, which is great. For the last few months my eating has been really out of control — probably a symptom of my life feeling out of control.

My next step is getting a work out schedule that is do-able. Until summer begins, I think I’m only going to be able to commit to 3 times a week, but you know what? That’s 3 more times than I was doing consistently before. It’s a start. Once summer begins, I’ll be able to work out at least 5 days a week. My schedule will be much more relaxed, so I’ll have time to put towards working out. I have never loved exercise, but I actually like going to the gym. Getting there is tough, no doubt, but once I walk through the doors and they scan my card, I really like it. I think part of it has to do with the iPod. I have a great selection of music that I work out to, which keeps me moving on the elliptical machine.

I’ve tried this many times before, always with the best of intentions, but I really feel like it’s now or never. Do or Die time. And any other cliche that fits. I’ve set my mind to this, so I know I can do it.

I really want to make this change because I know it will be the most positive thing I can do for myself and my life.

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The rest of the weekend

I remember when weekends used to be about going out and having fun.  Reconnecting with friends and family and enjoying life’s pleasures.

Over the last several months it seems that my weekends have become all about getting errands done: laundry, cleaning the house, paying bills, doing homework for work and grad school.  And maybe fitting in some fun, but only if everything else is already taken care of.

Part of this is because I’m working full time and going to grad school full time.  Something’s gotta give, and usually it’s my fun times.  Last year, my resolution was to go out and get a life, since I have a tendency to be a workaholic.  I have such a strong work ethic that I can easily throw myself into my work.  My job is such that I have to spend a great deal of time outside of work on it.  I knew that going into this career path, but every now and then I wish I could just live like a “normal person” who gets to leave work behind on Friday evenings and has the weekend ahead to have fun and unwind.  I don’t mean to sound negative about my job, because I love it and wouldn’t want to do anything else…well, unless I won the lottery.  I do get summers off, although I still work in the summer, otherwise I find myself getting bored with too much free time on my hands.  Plus, whenever I do have time off, I spend more money on shopping, entertainment, nights on the town, etc.  It’s fun, but my bank account can only handle so much of it.  So working during the summer allows me to stay occupied, but not have the work to do outside of the summer job.  I’m able to live like a “normal person” for a few months until the reality of my job sets in during late August.

This weekend was no different.  I spent 5 hours grading papers on Saturday, and thought that Xerox and I were going to see each other, since he had called and told me that he wanted to.  We didn’t end up getting together because he left Berkeley later than he had expected, and by the time he called to say he was nearing my area, it was already after 8pm.  I was just too tired to see him.  I still had a paper to write for grad school and some other things to do around the house.  I told him that I hoped we could take a raincheck, and he was ok with it.  He asked me out for next Friday night, actually, which was great.

I’m really looking forward to seeing him again.  He’s really a great person; someone I’m really interested in getting to know more about.  We clicked, both with our personalities and our attraction to each other.  Something that seems more and more rare with each passing year.

I guess having a new possibility on the horizon makes a semi-boring weekend seem alright.  Hopefully there will be more weekends like this one in the near future — a balance of errands and fun.  I think I can live with that.

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