Be an After, Stay an After

“Be an After, Stay an After.” Weight Watchers uses this as one of their main advertising slogans, and I love it! It’s all about making the commitment to losing weight and keeping it off — something that up to this point, has been elusive to me.

Last night when I got home from work, I saw that a package had come in the mail. It was the “Before” t-shirt from Southern Fried Fatty’s Challenge. Check it out. Sign up!! Basically, the way the challenge works is that you send in $18, along with the size t-shirt you want. Then, when you get it, you take a picture of yourself wearing it. You email the picture and your weight loss goal to Southern Fried Fatty and she keeps it on file. Then, when you reach your goal, you take another picture of yourself wearing the “Before” shirt tell her your new shirt size. Then, she sends you an “After” t-shirt. How cool is that? I love it!

To see the pictures in all their full-sized glory, just click on them. Thank God these are the “before”pics. Talk about motivation. I will take some progress shots as I lose weight — stay tuned.

This idea of Before and After leads me to a really exciting discovery that I made last night. After BFF and I finished walking around the track last night, she asked me, “so, have you figured out how many pounds you need to lose each month to reach your goal of losing 100 pounds by CTLB’s wedding next August?” I told her I hadn’t. To be honest with you, part of me didn’t want to figure it out and find out that it would be an impossible goal.

But I bit the bullet and did the math. 100 (pounds) divided by 12 (months) = 8.33 lbs.

8.33!!! 8.33 lbs each month and I’ll have lost 100 lbs by next August. That’s do-able! That’s realistic!! I could easily do that!!! I actually got tears in my eyes when I realized that this goal that I’ve had for so long was something I could achieve. Not only that, I WILL achieve it! No doubt. I can’t even picture what life will be like after losing 100lbs, but I know I’m going to like finding out.

I know it’s not going to be easy. It’s going to take commitment. Hard work. Staying On Program with Weight Watchers. Tracking my points. Exercising — cardio, elliptical machine, walking/jogging on the track, getting in my 10,000 steps, weight training, using my balance ball to do “core” workouts, and maybe even some yoga, just for good measure. A kick in the ass every now and then from my friends and family, who are so supportive of me. It’s going to require willpower, but I am a strong-willed person, and when I set my mind to something, I achieve it. Especially when it’s something that will change my life forever.

I know that in the past I’ve gotten so excited about working out and losing weight and stuck to it for 2 weeks or a month or 4 months and then something happens and I stop. I fail. Then I start again with renewed hope. This time is different, though. I can feel it in my heart that I have truly committed to changing my lifestyle this time.

This time I’m going to be an AFTER and STAY AN AFTER!

Read Full Post »

I’m surprising myself…

…with how much I’ve been enjoying exercising.

Last night BFF and I went to the track at the high school in our neighborhood and walked again.  Even though I was feeling sort of crummy before I left the house and didn’t really want to go, knowing that she was waiting for me made me know I couldn’t flake out.

Once I got on the track and started walking, I felt so good.  There’s something about walking outside in the cool air of dusk that makes you feel so alive.  Even though I had my iPod on, I felt like my mind was quiet.  My thoughts were calmer than they are during the hustle-bustle of the day.  It was a time for me to concentrate on the good thing I was doing for my body and my health and let everything else go.  Sure, towards the end my calves started to cramp up, but knowing I was almost finished, I pushed through.  What a sense of accomplishment when I was done.  I think I’m ready to increase my times around the track to 6 — 1 1/2 miles.  We’ll see.  It will be a fun new challenge.

This morning I picked BFF up for a weight training class we were going to try at the gym.  The class was probably a bit too much for me, and there were a few times when I had to stop before everyone else had completed their reps.  But that’s not the point.  The point is, I did it.  I was sweating and out of breath, but I was pushing myself in a way I haven’t in so long.  And it felt good.

After the class we did 30 minutes of cardio on the elliptical machine.  Well, 33 minutes to be exact, counting the cool down.  I burned 352 calories and walked over 3400 steps.  I went 2.09 miles.  Awesome!

By 11am I had done strength training and cardio, and was feeling so good about myself.  I want to keep this up, because I know that I’m on the right track.  The weight is going to come off, slowly at times, but I’m confident it will  come off.

This week I lost 1.2 lbs, bringing my two week total to 5.6.  My mini-goal is to lose the 20lbs the doctor said it would take to bring my blood pressure back to normal levels.  Just 14.4 lbs to go to reach that goal!  I’m hoping I can do it before August 27 when school starts.  We’ll see.

Today my 10,000 Steps pedometer came, and I can’t wait to program it and put it on to see how many steps I take today.

I’m so happy right now because it feels like everything is falling into place.  I still struggle at times, but I feel more confident and in control of losing this weight than I have in so long.   I’m really proud of myself.  These new surprises that keep popping up are a great thing!  I can’t wait to see what’s next.

Read Full Post »

The Bridge

I just finished watching one of the most disturbing movies I have seen in a long time.

It’s called The Bridge, and it’s about people who commit suicide off the Golden Gate Bridge. The film was inspired by a story that appeared in the New Yorker called, “Jumpers,” by Tad Friend. The film’s executive producer/director had read the article and was so moved by what he read, he moved to SF and got a film crew together to take footage of the Golden Gate Bridge for one year and chronicle the events.

I think the thing that makes it more personal for me is that I dated one of the guys who was on the camera crew. He and met when I lived in SF, and we dated for about 6 or 7 months. We’ve remained friends even after we realized that we were looking for different things out of a romantic relationship, and even tried rekindling the romance a couple of times. At the time he was working on the film, we were about to go on a short road trip from Santa Cruz to Redding, following Hwy 1 as far as it would take us, and beyond. I remember being on the phone with him while he was filming and him needing to get off the phone quickly, because something was going on. It was always surreal to think that as I was talking with him, someone had jumped to their death.

The film was disturbing not just because of its subject matter, but because of the way the family members of the deceased speak about them. Almost every person interviewed after the death of their close loved one (sister, daughter, brother, etc.) seemed so calm and so unfeeling. I know that if it had been a friend or family member of mine that we were discussing, I couldn’t have remained so distant and matter of fact.

I’m not sure what the point of making the film was. It didn’t try to answer any questions like, “what is the appeal of jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge?” “Why do people travel across the country, or even across the world to commit suicide off the bridge?” One common theme was that the people suffered from mental illness, but that’s probably a given, isn’t it? It was weird that several of the people they profiled had bipolar disorder or schizophrenia.

The film said that over the course of the year (in 2004) 24 people jumped to their deaths from the bridge. More people have committed suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge than anywhere else on Earth.

It’s late, after midnight, but I don’t want to go to sleep, because the images of seeing bodies flying to their deaths will haunt my nightmares, I’m sure. All I can say is that I hope each of the people who died are now at peace.

Read Full Post »

10,000 Steps

Yesterday BFF told me about a cool program she found through the Kaiser Permanente site. Say what you will about Kaiser, but I’ve always had a great experience with it. I like the ease of the HMO and I have had really nice doctors, for the most part. If there is a doctor that I don’t like that much, I just ask to change to a different one. I’ve never had any problems.

So one of the programs that Kaiser is partnered with is called 10,ooo Steps. For $23 Kaiser members get a pedometer and an 8 month membership to the program. They give you daily tips on how to get your 10,000 steps in. It sounds really difficult, but actually, I think it’s probably easier than one would think.

BFF put on her pedometer yesterday, and by the time we had finished walking around the track, she had logged 13,000+ steps for the day. Granted, she was pretty active yesterday — walking around at work, taking the dog for a walk around the neighborhood, mowing the lawn, and then beginning the Couch to 5K program. But still, she said that she feels like she could easily get in 10,000 steps in a day.

So last night when I got home, I signed up for the program. My pedometer should be here in 10-14 days. I’m really excited to wear it and see how many steps I can log. It’s almost like a little game that I can play with myself — seeing if I can beat yesterday’s record.

This is all part of the “master plan” of leading a healthy, fit lifestyle. Baby steps. 10,000+ of them, hopefully.

Read Full Post »

Is there anything more beautiful…

…than a plump, ripe, just-picked-off-the-vine tomato?

I took this picture with my cell phone, so the quality isn’t the best, but you get the idea.

My dad just brought these tomatoes over this morning, straight from his garden. I can’t wait to make a salad tonight and taste them.

Tomatoes remind me of my childhood. I remember being 3 or 4 and picking ripe, red tomatoes from the vine in our backyard garden and biting into them like they were apples. So good!

My Nana used to make her sugo (sauce) from fresh tomatoes; there was nothing else like it. My mom often slices them and adds a bit of salt, pepper, and olive oil — that’s the salad — just the juicy tomatoes. Yum! I’m famous in some circles for making my Caprese salad. Tomatoes, fresh mozzarella, and basil. A bit of salt, pepper, olive oil, and balsamic vinegar, if you like. I’ve made many variations on the Caprese salad. One that’s great for picnics is to put cherry tomatoes and fresh mozzarella balls on skewers, kabob style. You weave the basil in between each tomato and mozzarella ball, and it’s just delicious.

Eating garden-fresh tomatoes that have had the chance to ripen on the vine is like tasting summertime.

Read Full Post »

Gettin’ back into the walking groove

Last night I was pretty proud of myself. As I mentioned before, I had tried walking at a local track a few months ago, but couldn’t even make it a quarter mile because the pain in my shins and calves was excruciating. I chalked it up to being way out of shape, but a few of my friends thought it might be time for new running shoes. That’s when I bought the Asics I mentioned in a previous blog entry.

So last night BFF and I decided to give it a try again on a track at a neighborhood high school. She’s doing the Couch to 5K program that I had told her about and wanted to walk/jog on a nice, cushy track. I hadn’t used my new shoes for walking yet. (Other than to and from the gym for the elliptical machine, which doesn’t really count).

Armed with my workout playlist on my iPod, I headed onto the track after stretching a bit first, and began walking. I walked the first half mile without any problems, and was really happy. I even tried jogging for a bit, but soon realized that I’m not ready for that yet. Soon, hopefully, because I’m really interested in beginning the Couch to 5K program. In fact, I’m hoping to be in good enough shape by next summer to do the Wharf to Wharf run in Santa Cruz. It’s a 10K, so it would be a major accomplishment.

Anyway, I completed my mile on the track and really didn’t feel too badly when I was finished. My calves ached a bit, but in a “I’ve just moved my body and pushed it more than normal” kind of way. It felt so good. I know 1 mile isn’t that far, but still, it’s a start, and I’m so proud of myself for doing it.

Read Full Post »

Dream Dinners

Yesterday BFF and I went to our first Dream Dinners session, and I had a great time! 

Dream Dinners is a service where you choose entrees from a menu and then go to a store location and put them all together.  They do all of the hard work for you — planning the menu, getting the recipe, buying the food, chopping the veggies, collecting the spices, etc.  When you get there, you just put the meal together and take it home and freeze it or cook it.  Easy!!

I was so excited to try the Dream Dinners, because although I love to cook, I find that I have almost no time during the school year to prepare healthy, satisfying meals for myself.  I’m running from here to there and back again, and by the time I get home, I just want to eat something (anything!) now.  I never have the time to go through my recipe books, make a grocery list, shop for the food, and prepare it.  I wish I did, because I love doing this when I have the time.  

Plus, in trying to create a new, healthy lifestyle for myself, I want to make things as simple as possible when it comes to meal planning.  I’m great with breakfast and lunch, but dinner always throws me off and I end up eating too much (portions) or things that aren’t the best for me (unhealthy, quick food).  

So, when I saw that there was  service that helped you eat good, healthy, fresh food, I thought, “why not give it a shot?”  I went on the Dream Dinners site and selected all the meals I was interested in.  I looked at the nutritional info for every meal to be sure that they were Weight Watchers friendly. 

The meals work out to be about $4 each.  This is mostly for the entree only, although some of the meals come with the side dishes (rice, tortillas, etc.)  I think this is a great deal, because for me, the thing that stops me from cooking at home is not having all of the ingredients to cook the entree.  Not having cumin or onions, or whatever.  Dream Dinners has all of that included, and it’s pretty easy to make a quick salad or rice, if that’s what you want to go along with it.  The convenience alone makes it worth the money.  Plus, all of their ingredients are fresh from local sources. 

Anyway, yesterday was my first Dream Dinners session, and I loved it.  The store was incredibly organized and clean.  The owner was so accommodating and friendly that I felt right at home.  They have different stations set up with each type of meal and all the ingredients that go into making it all set up.  Even the ziploc bags you’ll need to put all of the spices/sauces/condiments.  You move from location to location making your different meals.  They give you a shelf in the cooler to put each meal as you finish it.  Oh, and don’t let me forget to mention the stickers — they have pre-printed stickers that list the meal name, date you made it, and the directions for cooking it.  I love it when things are so easy and well organized!  I felt like I was on a Food Network set, just like BeachGirl told me I would.  

The whole thing only took about an hour and a half, yet in that time I had put together 24 meals!  Look at what I got:

Sweet Cider BBQ Chicken
Chicken Yakitori over Rice
Honey & Herb Grilled Chicken
Tex Mex BBQ Pork Wraps
Southwest Grilled Chicken
Mexican Salsa Burgers
Dill Marinated Shrimp
Steak Salsa Verde

Don’t these sound great?  I can’t wait to try them.  It’s kind of fun to think that each evening I can go into my freezer and take out a meal that sounds like it’s from a restaurant.  I know I’ll be able to keep on track because this is practically fool-proof.

I cooked the dill shrimp skewers last night, and it was delicious.  Just the right amount.  The meals come with enough food for 3 portions, so I used the Food Saver I bought and vacuum-packed the leftovers.  It was like making my own frozen dinners, without the sodium or preservatives– pretty cool. 

Now I have a freezer stocked with food that is not only good for me, it’s easy to prepare, and tastes delicious.  This is a busy person’s dream!!  Corny, I know, but I guess that’s why they call it Dream Dinners, right? 

Read Full Post »

Great Progress!

Last week I told all of you about my high blood pressure diagnosis and you were all extremely supportive, so I thought I’d give you an exciting update.

 I got on the scale this morning and I’ve lost 4.4 lbs this week! I know that most of this is the water weight I had been retaining, but still, 4.4 lbs!!!

Now I have 15.6 lbs to go to reach my mini-goal of the 20 lbs the doctor said would bring my blood pressure back to normal levels.

I’m totally inspired to keep up with the Weight Watchers and work out plan I’ve been following.

This is definitely a happy Friday!

Read Full Post »

Check-In: Summertime Goals

Since the summer is about halfway over, I thought I’d check in on my summer goals: 

• Working in industry.  This has been going really well, although my work is very solitary, which can become quite boring and routine.  Most days it’s just me, my computer, and my cube.  No interaction with other people at all.  Although I must say, this has made for a very low stress situation, which is exactly what I needed this summer.  I have decided to try to take a real summer vacation next year, because I know I’m going to need the break after my grad school program is over.  Now it’s just figuring out a way to save enough money so that when I go back east for CTLB’s wedding, I won’t have to scrimp on anything. 
• Living like a “normal” person.  This has been going really well.  I am able to leave work at work and get out and see my friends and do things.  I’ve begun to set up a routine for cleaning the house and keeping things in order, which makes me feel really organized.  I feel like I’m starting to achieve some balance in my life. 
• Losing a serious amount of weight.  This one hasn’t gone so well so far.  I’ve been eating a lot more healthily, but I haven’t seen any major drop in weightloss.  I think part of this is the water I have been retaining, which is now starting to be released, thanks to the water pill I’ve been prescribed.  I have begun measuring my food and keeping track of my portions, with only minor “setbacks.”  The goal is still to lose enough weight for people to notice a change in me.  I have more than a month before school starts, so hopefully I’ll be able to reach this goal.  I’d love to lose the 20lbs the doctor said it will take for my blood pressure to return to normal.  That sounds like a manageable goal, considering the amount of weight I have to lose.  Ok, so new goal: -20lbs by August 27.
• Creating (and sticking to) a workout regimen. This goal hasn’t been met at all.  I have found it really difficult to wake up in the mornings and go work out.  Part of it is the thought of the long commute I have everyday.  For some reason, I get the idea in my head that if I don’t wake up at 5am and go workout, I’m done for the day.  I have been feeling really stressed about this.  Each morning I wake up at 6:30 or 7 or 7:30 and feel so mad at myself because I think it means I won’t have time to work out.  In reality, I have enough flexibility in my job that I can get there whenever I want to (within reason).  I could get up at 7:30, go to the gym, be home by 8:30 and then get ready to go to work.  No biggie.  For some reason I’ve built it up in my head that if it’s not 5am, it’s nothing.  That’s a problem I have in a lot of areas in my life — this all or nothing mentality.  I’ve been trying really hard to tell myself that I can go workout in the morning, no matter what time I wake up.  Or, if that doesn’t happen, go in the evenings when I get home from work or at night.  Although I usually can’t motivate myself enough to go to the gym when I get home from work.  I did go to the gym on Tuesday, and it felt great.  See, once I actually get there I enjoy pushing my body to the limit and seeing what it is able to do.  I love listening to the workout playlist I’ve made on my iPod and really getting into it.  So I am recommiting to working out at least 3 weekday mornings a week.  No matter what time I wake up, I will go to the gym.  End of story. 
• Quitting smoking.  This one is another that I haven’t been successful at.  I was ready to do it.  Bought the Commit lozenges and everything, but just couldn’t shake the nagging/panicky feeling when I need a cig.  I hate it and it’s disgusting and I want to quit by the time school starts.  I did sign up with Breathe program through Kaiser Permanente, and I have found some useful and motivating ideas from it.  Now I just need to put those ideas into action.  I’m not giving up on this one, even though part of me doesn’t really want to quit.  I know I have to. 
• Dating.  This one turned into A Man Fast.  Seriously, I’ve  decided no more boys for me for a while.  I have too many other things that I’m working on in my life, and I want to put my energy into that right now.  More importantly, I haven’t found any interesting prospects at all, so it all works out quite well, you see. 
•  Re-joining my family.  I’ve been able to hang out with my family quite a bit.  Cocktail hour with my parents quite often, hanging out with my sister, going to dinner with Favorite Cousin and her dining group, dinners at my parents’ house, and welcoming my new niece into the world.  It’s been so nice to reconnect with my family.  I love them all so much, and genuinely miss them when I can’t spend time with them. 
• Enjoying the free summer concerts.  So far I’ve only gone to one free music concert in the park, but that one was really fun.  They also have free movies outside once a week, so I would love to go to a few of those, too.  The nice thing is that the reason I haven’t made it to more free concerts is that I’ve been out doing other things with friends and family.  As long as I’m getting out and about and enjoying myself,  it’s all good. 
• Using my Netflix membership the way it was meant to be used.  Boy, have I.  I’ve been watching movies or shows almost every night, which is so fun.  I’ve gotten really into Rescue Me — I LOVE this show.  One of my friends mentioned how much he loves the show, and I watched the current season on FX a few times.  I was hooked.  I’ve put seasons 1-3 in my queue on Netflix so I can catch up with the character development and story line.  Other movies I’ve seen: Hairspray (the John Walter’s original version), Notes on a Scandal, Volver, Little Miss Sunshine, Almost Famous, and Margaret Cho: Assassin.  I’ve really been enjoying all of the things I’ve been watching, but if any of you have any suggestions, please leave them in the comments.
• Reading whatever I want to.  I am currently reading The Girls by Lori Lansens for my book club.  It is one of the best books I’ve read in a long time.  The premise is quite strange, but amazingly creative.  I am 3/4 of the way through the book, and I don’t want it to end.  On my bookshelf waiting to be read: A Thousand Splendid Suns (Khaled Hosseini), The Blood of  Flowers (Anita Amirrezvani), Saving Fish from Drowning: A Novel (Amy  Tan), Reading Like a Writer (Francine Prose), The Beck Diet Solution (Judith Beck), and The Keep (Jennifer Egan).  I also have quite a few journalism books to read, since I’ll be teaching that class in the fall.  Oh, and I do have one book to read for my grad school class, as well.  It feels so indulgent to sit  for hours and read, but I am relishing the indulgence.  If only I had access to a pool… then things would be perfect. 
• Decorating the duplex.  Progress has been made in this front, as well.  I haven’t gone to buy the couch yet, but as soon as I get paid on the 31st, I’m going.  (Well, that weekend, anyway).  My mom came over to help me figure out how I’m going to arrange the furniture in my living room, and we came up with a plan that should make the room look even cosier.  My dad is going to paint my bathroom, bedroom, kitchen, and dining area starting next week/weekend.  I’m going to assist him as much as I can, but mostly this will just mean keeping him fed and staying out of the way.  Although I do know how to paint pretty well, and plan to paint quite a bit.  Then I’ll finally be able to start using my tangerine duvet!!  I’ll post pics once all of this decorating is done. 

Doing this check-in has really helped me feel a lot better today.  I’ve been feeling sort of down on myself because I haven’t really done the working out/weightloss like I wanted to.  When I look at all that I have accomplished already, I feel really proud of myself.  I’m really making strong progress at changing my life for the better and enjoying myself more.  I want to make all of this second nature so that when school starts back up, I’ll still be able to maintain it to some degree.  I want to be a healthier, more balanced person, and completing these goals is the first step toward that.   

Read Full Post »

Buddhism in a Nutshell

I’ve been interested in Buddhism since high school when I visited a Buddhist temple for extra credit in my Comparative Religions class.  (I went to a Catholic high school and religion was a mandatory class). I liked the serenity, the calmness, and the idea that each person is finding their own path to enlightenment/Nirvana. 

As you’ve read in many of my recent entries, I’ve come to realize that I need to be more balanced in my life, and thought that maybe spirituality would help with that.  In fact, it’s even #6 on my life list.  I appreciate everything I learned in Catholic school, but I’m not sure that it’s the right path for me.  I believe in a lot of what I was taught during those 12 years, but then there are so many beliefs in Catholicism that I don’t agree with, as well. 

In any case, I had a very deep conversation with a friend of mine, Aa.  He teaches at my school, and he’s Buddhist.  When all of my teacher buddies and I went out on the evening of the last day of school, Aa and I started talking about Buddhism.  He was saying such insightful things that I actually started to cry.  Well, not cry, so much as well up with tears.  I can’t remember his exact words, but I know that they really struck a chord for me.  He was talking a lot about how Buddhism helped him be a less angry person and just gave him a sense of peace.  He said he was finally able to prioritize his life and find some semblance of balance.  I asked him to give me any books or other info he had on Buddhism and to take me to his temple with him sometime.  He said that it’s not really like that, with “services” like a traditional Western church has, but that if his center had any upcoming introductory classes, he’d let me know about them.  He also said he’d be happy to share a few books with me. 

So last week he sent me a link for a program that his Buddhist center is putting on.   The program is called “Buddhism in a Nutshell” and gives the basic ideas of Buddhism — Buddha’s life, the Four Noble Truths, the history of Buddhism, what it means to be a Buddhist, and the main points of Buddhist practice.  It runs for 4 Wednesdays in a row, starting next week.  I checked my calendar and I just happen to be free each of those nights, so I’m going to do it! 

“Buddhism in a Nutshell” appeals to me on so many levels.  I can finally get a good idea about what Buddhism really is and what Buddhists believe.  I can discover whether or not it’s something that I want to pursue further.  Plus, I love learning new things, and this satisfies my “student” side. 

I’m really looking forward to learning more about Buddhism and seeing if it’s right for me.  I’m not saying that I am going to convert to Buddhism, but then again, I may.  The little that I know about it draws me in, so maybe it’s exactly what I’ve been searching for. 

Read Full Post »

A new little Miracle

Yesterday at 7:07am my sister gave birth to her second daughter, Baby E.  She was about a week and a half early, and weighed in at a smidge less than 5lbs!  She’s so tiny, but completely healthy and happy. 

Going to visit her and my sister in the hospital yesterday really proved that what they say about 2nd children (and all those who follow) is really true. 

When my other niece, T,  was born she was the first grandchild, the first niece, the first child.  When we got the call from my brother-in-law that my sister had gone into labor, my parents and I were at the hospital right away and had to go home for a while, because my sister still had quite a ways to go.  Finally, we went back and waited outside in the waiting room while LC (my sister) was in labor.  We saw T almost immediately after the nurses and doctors had checked her out and washed her off.  We were so overcome and excited that we were all crying and happy and amazed. 

This time, we were just as happy and amazed, but when we got the call around 6:45am that the baby was on her way, and then the next call that she had been born, we decided to give LC, her husband, and the new baby some time alone together.  We didn’t show up until 1pm.  We were still extremely excited to see her, but I didn’t feel this same sense of urgency.  It wasn’t quite “been there, done that,” but it was more familiar this time.  Even my sister seemed a lot calmer this time. 

The part that I’m really excited about is how T (who will be 5 in October) will handle her new role as big sister.  She’s been an only child, and the subject of complete and utter adoration from her parents, grandparents, and me for all this time.  I know she’s going to be completely helpful and loving with her new sister, and I can’t wait to see her interact with Baby E.  I hope she won’t be as bossy as her Zia was, but then again, you gotta keep those little sisters in line somehow!!

Read Full Post »

My wake-up call

Today I went to the doctor because my feet have been getting really swollen for the last month or so. So bad, in fact, that the only shoes I can really wear are flip-flops. The swelling gets worse when I sit at a desk all day, as I have to do for my summer job. Anyone who’s ever had swollen feet before understands the discomfort I’ve been feeling. The constant pressure. Beyond the way my feet made me look and feel, I was worried that they might be an indication of something more serious. I wanted to go to the doctor to find out what was going on.

It turns out that I have high blood pressure. When the doctor was telling me this, it was one of the scariest moments I’d ever felt before. My weight has always been an issue, but up until now, it was more about wanting to look and feel better, not a true matter of health. Now this is serious. My blood pressure is 140/80 and the doctor said that normal for me would be 120/79. The good news is that the doctor told me that if I lose just 20 lbs, my blood pressure will be back to normal. She also prescribed a water pill for me to take everyday. A side benefit is that the water pill should alleviate the swelling in my feet.

I know that it’s all a matter of diet and exercise. Sounds easy, but since my weight has been a struggle my entire life, it’s one of the most difficult things I’ve ever faced. I’m scared. Scared that I won’t have the willpower to do this. Scared that I’ve set myself up for a task that is more than I can handle. Scared that I am too far gone to be able to climb this mountain that’s in front of me. But even though I’m feeling really scared, a larger part of me thinks that maybe this is exactly what I need in order to achieve something I’ve wanted for longer than I can remember.

So, at my highest weight ever (at least the highest weight I’ve known about. I think I may have weighed more at one point, but I didn’t know how much I weighed because I wouldn’t dare go on a scale), I am more motivated than ever to get this weight off my body. It’s not just about fitting into cute clothes. Or even about being able to lead a more active lifestyle. Now it’s a matter of my health.  It’s for my life.

Read Full Post »

New Shoes…A New Lifestyle?

I’ve been trying to work out on a more regular basis this summer in an effort to get into an exercise routine that I can maintain during the more hectic school year. So far, I’ve done fairly well, but I had a way to go, so I decided that investing in a pair of athletic shoes might give me the impetus I needed to really get serious.

Recently I tried walking at a community track, because while I like going to the gym, there’s something about getting out in the fresh air that really rejuvenates me. I was sure to do a bit of stretching beforehand, but about a half a mile in, I had sharp, shooting pains in my shins and calves. I attributed most of this to being terribly out of shape, but after talking to a few friends, they said that maybe I needed better shoes.

My current athletic shoes were purchased over 5 years ago, when I was living in San Francisco. They seemed ok when I was at the gym on the elliptical machine, but whenever I tried walking in them, the pain started. I figured it was well past time for me to buy another pair.

Not knowing much about athletic shoes, I went online to Lady Footlocker to see what styles might work. You have to understand, the aesthetics of the shoes are just as important as function, to me. I don’t want to spend over $100 on ugly shoes that look like clodhoppers. That said, I found some ASICS that I thought were nice looking and seemed to be supportive.

Monday after work I headed to the mall in search of some shoes. I had decided to buy running shoes because I thought that if they were supportive enough to run in, they’d be great for walking. Plus, one of my goals is to start the Couch to 5K program, so running shoes seemed to fit the bill.

I’m normally not intimidated by anyone or anything, but walking into the store, I found myself feeling very awkward and vulnerable. I know that sounds ridiculous; I was only buying some shoes, after all, but being a plus-sized girl in a shop that caters to normal-sized bodies, it was somewhat daunting. I found a salesgirl that seemed friendly and told her my situation and what I was looking for.

She explained the benefits of the different types of shoes, and it turns out that the ASICS are rated #1 for running shoes because of their support and the way they’re made. Good deal! I still wanted to try some Nike+ shoes, too, because I’m an iPod junkie, and I liked the idea that the shoes and the iPod could “work together” to let you know how you’re doing when you’re exercising.

The salesgirl also suggested that I buy the shoes a half size larger than I wear in a normal shoe, because she said that feet tend to swell when you run. (I’ve been having my own issues with feet swelling, so I took her advice). The Nike+ just didn’t fit right. I tried on two different pairs, and they just seemed tight in the front of the shoe and too loose in the back. I pictured blisters, and put these shoes back in their box right away. Next I tried several pair of ASICS, and found them to be really comfortable, except they did seem a bit loose, as well. The salesgirl suggested I try a foot insole, for added support and to fill in the gaps. These were perfect. The shoes felt so light and comfortable, that I was sold. I thanked the salesgirl profusely for her patience and for making me feel so comfortable.

So, $124 later, I have some great new shoes that not only look good, they feel good. Spending that kind of money on athletic shoes has definitely inspired me already. This morning I woke up at 5am to get up and go workout. It was hard to wake up that early, but there’s something so satisfying about working out in the morning and having the rest of the day to do whatever else I need to do. When I work out first thing, I feel like I’ve already accomplished a lot, and it starts my day off on the right foot. (pun intended).

I’m confident and hopeful that I’ll be able to make working out a part of my (almost) daily routine. I can’t wait to try the shoes on that community track to see if I notice a difference. Maybe I’ll head down there tonight!

Read Full Post »

My Life List

My book club just read The Next Thing on My List, by Jill Smolinski. The book is in the chick lit/beach book genre. (It’s a quick read!) The plot is predictable, but the premise of the book was so interesting that I recommended the book to the book club.

The premise – two women meet at a Weight Watchers meeting. The protagonist offers the younger woman (whom she’s just met) a ride home. While they’re on their way, they get into a car accident and the younger woman dies. In talking to the family after the funeral, the protagonist discovers that the younger woman had made a list of things she wanted to do before she turned 25. The protagonist feels so guilty (even though the accident wasn’t really her fault), that she decides to complete the list.

The thing I liked the most about the book was that it had the idea of making something that I call a “life list.” A list of things you want to do before you turn ___ age, or before you die.

Ever the English teacher, I asked everyone in the book club to come to the group with their own life list. To be honest with you, I knew that the life lists were going to be a lot more interesting than the plot of the book was.

So, I thought I’d share the items on my own life list with you. I chose each item really carefully, and found that I had to do a lot of self-reflection before I was able to make a list that I felt was not only realistic, but also worthwhile. Some of the things are fun and frivolous, while others are truly challenging.

Things to do before I turn 40:
1. Lose 100 lbs.
2. After weight loss, go on a shopping spree at Anthropologie and Ann Taylor Loft, knowing the clothes will look great!
3. Sky dive.
4. Own a convertible.
5. Find balance in my life. (I’m so bad with the work/personal life balance).
6. Make spirituality a part of my everyday life.
7. Try yoga.
8. Start meditating.
9. Get a Brazilian bikini wax.
10. Go to the beach in a bathing suit and feel proud of how I look.
11. Go to NYC.
12. Go to Boston/Connecticut (CTLB’s wedding in August ’08).
13. Run a 5K. (Maybe even a 10K).
14. Meet “The One” aka “Mr. Right” and be engaged, or close to it.
15. Own a home (condo/townhouse), even if I’m still single.
16. Go on an exotic vacation to Bali or Morocco.
17. Learn to speak Italian.
18. Get some of my writing published.
19. Use my masters in educational leadership, either in school administration at my school or on the district level working with the new teacher program.
20. Adopt a dog.

I’ve given myself 4 years to complete this list, and I vow that I will finish it. I’m sure I’ll write about each goal as I accomplish it. I can’t wait to get started!

What would be on your life list?

Read Full Post »

A Man Fast

What is a Man Fast, you ask? Well, it’s a term that BeachGirl used a few months ago when she was simply fed up with the men she’d been dating. She decided to lay off men for a while and just concentrate on all the other things she had going on in her life.

I have decided to adopt this policy for several reasons:

• I’m finding no one interesting or worth getting dressed up for on Yahoo Personals. I realize this means that no one who I’d be interested in is finding me that attractive, as well. I know that there are lots of people who have had success with online dating, but so far, I really haven’t found a satisfying relationship from it.
• Mr. Done is now officially, completely Mr. Gone. I won’t go into too much detail here, but let’s just say that I realized that I deserved better than he was able to offer me. I could never give him what he wanted, and vice versa. Neither of us could be satisfied with what the other wanted/needed out of the deal, so I decided to really, truly end ties with Mr. Done. It felt liberating to finally realize that I needed to move on and have the strength to do it.
• I have a lot of other things going on right now that I need to put my energy into. I have goals that I want to accomplish before the end of August, and to do that, I have to be a bit more focused.

I’m not saying that I wouldn’t accept a date from a great guy if that opportunity presented itself, but for now I’m not going to actively seek it out.

Plus, as THEY say (you know, the ubiquitous “they,” right?):

“When you stop looking for a date/guy/relationship, that’s when one finds you.”

Read Full Post »