The great dating experiment, update #1

I’m not sure if I mentioned it on this blog or not, but a couple of weeks ago, I signed up for eHarmony (again!).  Third time’s the charm, right?  I paid for a 6-month subscription because I figured that I should give it a good shot this time around.

This first dating update is actually about a date I went on with someone an acquaintance of mine set me up with, so he wasn’t someone I met through eHarmony.  Our mutual acquaintance thought that S and I had a lot in common, similar backgrounds, etc. and thought we’d really get along.  She asked us both if we were interested in meeting, and we connected through Facebook.

That was back in April.  S and I exchanged a couple of emails, but he never asked me out, even for coffee.  I wasn’t overly thrilled with the idea of going out with him because he wasn’t attractive to me, based on the pictures he had of himself on his profile.  Also, he and I have different political philosophies, which is a pretty important thing for me when looking for a serious relationship. At this point I should mention that the acquaintance thought we’d have lots in common because we both went to the same Catholic grammar school, were both Italian, and both had weight issues.  The stuff great romances are made of, right?  I seriously don’t know if I should be insulted or not, because this guy is definitely not what anyone would consider remotely good looking.  Which  may be completely superficial of me, but while I have a ton of weight to lose, I know that I’m a pretty girl, and I’m not as desperate as this acquaintance seems to think I am.

But, regardless of the misgivings I had, a couple of weeks ago, right after I signed up for eHarmony, actually, I decided to contact S one last time just to see if there was anything there.  I sent him a quick and very direct message on FB asking him if he was still interested in seeing whether or not our acquaintance was right in thinking that we’d have a lot in common.  He responded fairly quickly to say that he would love to, and suggested that we meet for lunch or coffee sometime.

We met on Tuesday at a Starbucks that was close to each of our houses, because Starbucks is such a safe first meeting place.  A cup of coffee can’t last that long, right?  Tuesday just so happened to be my first day of school, so I thought that I’d have a few funny stories to tell in case there was a lull in the conversation.  Little did I know that there was no need for me to worry about adding to the conversation.

No, it’s not what you might be thinking – that we had such great rapport that we didn’t have any lulls to worry about.  It was that S talked and talked and TALKED the entire time.  I’m talking literally for 1 hour straight!  And not about something that was interesting, but complaining about family politics, bragging about how much money they had, how he’d had weight loss surgery (but still needed to lose about 75 pounds), and then saying that he was glad he’d never finished his undergraduate degree because he didn’t even need it.  Um, hello?  I’m a teacher. Do you think I might put a value on education?  Instead of impressing me, he was a complete turnoff.  The entire time he was ranting and raving about himself and his family, I just kept wondering how long I’d have to keep this up. I didn’t really say anything the entire time we were having coffee, which is incredible if you know me, because I can talk to anyone about anything, but he simply never stopped talking long enough to give me a chance to share a thing.

Then, just when we were going to leave, he said, “say, do you want to grab a bite to eat at that restaurant right there?”  At this point I think that something took over my mind and body because I actually said, “sure, that would be great.”  WTF?  Why the hell did I just agree to spend more time with this self-involved bore?  What the heck was I thinking?  I’m convinced it was penance for some past indiscretion I’ve committed.

We made it through dinner (which was way more calories than I should have eaten, and is probably the reason the scale showed a 2-pound gain this week), but not before he started bragging about his mafia connections.  For some reason he thought it would be impressive to say, “you know, in a snap of a finger, I could ‘get rid of someone’ if I needed to.  I know who to call to get it taken care of and I know just where to put the body so that it would never be found.”  Way to smooze the ladies, S.  Puleeze.  The thing is, my family actually had some organized crime connections, although we don’t really discuss that too often, so it was hilarious to me that this guy was such a poser.  I can almost guarantee you that he didn’t know any local mafiosos, mostly because my family knows who they all are.  In any case, there was absolutely no point to him saying any of that, whatsoever!  Was I supposed to feel safe that he could have someone “taken care of?”  I’m still not sure what his point was.

Now, beyond his looks, it was truly his attitude that left me wishing I could click my heels 3 times and teleport myself out of the restaurant.  He was smug, fake, a braggart, and one of those people who make themselves feel better by putting other people down.  Such a sign of insecurity.

So, the date finally ended with a quick hug.  I told him to have a good night and he mentioned that he hoped to see me at an Italian festival that was happening this weekend.  Ugh.  So he was obviously hoping we’d see each other again. And why wouldn’t he?  I was a great listener!  LOL.

When he called on Saturday to see if I wanted to meet him at the festival, I let it go to voicemail and didn’t call him back.  Rude, I know.  I felt a bit guilty this morning, so I sent him an email through FB letting him know that I was really busy yesterday and didn’t have a chance to call him back or go to the festival.  Then I told him that while I thought we had a ton in common, I didn’t feel the chemistry was there.  He responded saying that he agreed about the chemistry (right, man, that’s why you invited me to go out with you again), but that he hoped we could be friends.  I haven’t replied.

It was definitely one of the worst first dates I’ve ever gone on, and I’m hoping that the next date (whenever that happens) will be much better now that I’ve gotten a bad one out of the way.  There’s only one way to go from here, right? 😉

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Book Review – I Loved, I Lost, I Made Spaghetti

I just finished one of the best books I have read in a long time.  It’s called I Loved, I Lost, I Made Spaghetti by Giulia Melucci.  I could relate to everything in this book – the bad dates/relationships, the love of cooking, the Italian-American (half Sicilian, mind you) culture – all of it.

The book is a combination smart chick-lit, recipe book.  The pairing works fantastically well, as do the menus she provides throughout the book.  Anyone who knows an Italian will tell you that one of the ways we show our love is through food.  The idea for the book was inspired.

Melucci’s style is a great mix of sarcastic, self-deprecating, and so, so humorous.  Her down-to-earth style reminds me a bit of myself.  This is the type of book I would have loved to have written.

The recipes in the book sound divine, and I’m definitely going to try many of them out.

I just found out that Giulia Melucci is going to be giving a book signing in SF on July 11th, and I’ve made plans to be there.

Here’s a little bit from the author, just to entice you:

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Back to the Drawing Board

I’m sure that when you read this post about Mr. Done, you thought I was fooling myself.  Or that I was naiive.  Or that I wasn’t paying enough attention to recent history to make better choices.

And you would’ve been right.

You see, Mr. Maybe aka Mr. Done never did take me out on that date.  He called the morning of the date (last Saturday), to tell me that he had woken up with a bad sore throat, a stuffy nose, and a bad cold.  To say I was disappointed is putting it mildly.  To say that I took it well is giving me too much credit.  I was mad that we weren’t going to go out, an emotion that I chose to display as coldness on the phone call.  I told him in a very icy tone that I hoped he felt better, by which I meant, “are you seriously cancelling on me?”  When he said, “maybe we can reschedule for next weekend?,” I responded with another cold, “ya, maybe.  We’ll see.”

I think I was trying to come off as indifferent about the whole thing, and it must have worked.  Mr. Maybe/Mr. Done hasn’t called me.  At all.

Not after I felt guilty about how cold I had been and called him on Tuesday, under the guise of seeing if he felt better.  Not on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, or Saturday.  And not today.

Which leads me now being angry.  At him and at myself.  At him because he’s obviously still a flake who really isn’t ready for anything serious, regardless of his text message about wanting a LTR.  And at me because I gave in to this longing I have to be with someone, even though I knew in my heart that Mr. Maybe/Mr. Done wasn’t the right person for me.

Yes, he and I had fun together.  Yes he “got” me.  And yes, he has a good job and is intelligent.  But while each of those things sounds good on paper, none of them add up to Mr. Maybe/Mr. Done being the right guy for me.  He reminded me this week (in his loud absence) that when he and I were dating the first time, I was always waiting for him.  Waiting for his call, waiting for his attention, waiting for him to show as much interest in me, in us, as I had.  And I’m done waiting for him.

So, I’m back to square one.  Single.  Not that I wasn’t before last week, but I did have this tiny hope that this New Year’s Eve I’d be on a date, beginning a relationship that would be the stuff the dreams are made of.  That all this time spent by myself would have been worth it, because I was finally with someone who really did love me for me.

I don’t want to give the idea that I’m feeling self pity, because I’m not.  Yes, I was rather depressed this past week, but then I realized that I didn’t want to give Mr. Done this much power over my emotions.  He didn’t deserve it.  Plus, I still have so much work to do on myself, with my weight loss, and I think that it might have to be done alone.  Which is not to say that I’m not open to meeting someone while I’m still in the process of losing weight, because I am.  But I’m also ok with being on my own for the duration.

What scares me is the thought that I might be on my own forever.  I’m evolved and self-confident enough to know that if I am single forever, I can lead a happy, fulfilling life.  But there is a huge part of me that knows that I want to be with someone to share my life with.  I want to have a loving, normal, happy relationship with a man who loves me and can’t wait to spend time with me.  I know that I’m still “young” at 37, and that there’s no age limit on finding love and happiness.  I just have to keep my impatience at bay and fill my life with other things that make me happy.

Because you never know who is waiting, just around the corner.

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In a weird turn of events, Mr. Done might be Mr. Maybe

Before I get into what happened last night, I should catch you up.  This post explains about my background with Mr. Could Be The One. This one explains how I became That Girl.  And finally, this one talks about how Mr. Could Be The One turned into Mr. Done.

(It should also be noted that after Mr. Done appeared and things were supposed to be over, I did see him a few times, but it never ended up being what I wanted.  Finally I found some self-respect and stopped responding to his texts and IMs.  I told him that until he wanted to talk about truly dating, I didn’t think that either of us could offer each other what the other person wanted).

It had been quite a few months since Mr. Done had texted me.  I’d started up my profile eHarmony, but that hadn’t really been panning out.  All of the men that they matched me with just didn’t spark my interest for various reasons.  I had recently met one guy, Mr. Sweet, who seemed to be really sweet, hence the name, but he has 3 kids (11, 6, and 4).  That’s a huge undertaking in and of itself, but especially for someone like me who has decided she doesn’t want to have children.  He and I had set up a date for today, just to meet and go to lunch, but I was hesitant, because I didn’t think we were in the same places in our lives.

And then Mr. Done texted me:

Mr. Done: “For the record…I’m looking for an ltr now.”

Bella: “Interesting.  What changed?”

Mr. Done: “I’ve grown up.”

Bella: “I’m so happy to hear it.  Good for you. :)”

Mr. Done: “You interested?”

Now, at this point, I stopped to ask myself if I was interested.  The weird thing was, I had just thought about Mr. Done earlier in the day.  I had tuned my radio to a station that plays all Christmas music this time of year, and Mr. Done was the first one who had introduced me to this station 2 years ago.  It made me think of him and all of the fun we had together when we first went out.

Bella: “Of course.  If you really mean it.”

Mr. Done: “I do.”

Bella: “I think about how wonderful you were when we were dating.  How you surprised me with the Stanford theatre.

{On one date right before Christmas, Mr. Done told me he had a surprise for me.  He took me to Palo Alto but wouldn’t say what we were going to do.  We started walking in the downtown area, and stopped at the Stanford Theatre.  They were playing Miracle on 34th Street, which I had never seen.  The theatre was decorated for Christmas, and it was a really romantic night.}

Bella: “I really miss the way you made me feel. So special.”

Mr. Done: “Can I call you sometime?”

Bella: “Yes.”

Even as I type that text exchange, I get butterflies because Mr. Done and I have had so much chemistry.  At the same time, I also worry that I may come off as too into him, even after he broke my heart.  But as this was occurring last night, I kept thinking about how much I enjoyed my time with Mr. Done, and knew that it felt right to give him another chance.

Of course I called BFF to ask her opinion, because she remembers just how broken-hearted and depressed I was when I Mr. Done broke up with me.  She said that she might not be the best person to ask, because she’s the Queen of 2nd (or 10th) Chances. I didn’t really need her advice, per se, but I wanted to discuss my thought process with her.  I guess I needed her to tell me that I was making the right decision.

In my heart I knew that Mr. Done and I weren’t truly finished.  Yes, he’d hurt me when he broke up with me.  Yes, he had called me again and again looking for something more casual than what I wanted.  But I could tell that there was something different about him this time.  He reminded me of the person I had first met and fell for with when we were dating.  I hadn’t gone out on a serious date since I’d gone out with him. And I know I’m ready to try it again, with my eyes wide open this time.

So when Mr. Done called last night, I was ready.  He made a bit of small talk, charmed me a bit, and then asked me if I’d like to go out sometime.  I told him I would.  So we made a date for next Saturday.  But in the back of my mind, I had so many questions that I wanted to ask him NOW.  As we kept talking, he asked me what I had going on for the evening.  I said I was just going to stay home and watch t.v. or read.  He said he’d planned the same thing.  And then I boldly suggested that we hang out.  He said he’d love to, and asked if I’d feel more comfortable coming to his house or having him come to mine.  I told him I’d rather go to his house, so I jumped in the shower, figured out the perfect “just hanging out” outfit, put on some makeup, and headed over to his place.

When he opened the door, I noticed that he looked much the same as the last time I’d seen him.  He gave me a huge hug, told me I smelled great and looked so pretty, and asked me to make myself comfortable.  We had a glass of wine and snuggled on the couch to watch a movie.  The movie, Untraceable, was not great, or even good, but just being able to cuddle and hold hands with him on the couch was so nice. It really wasn’t about the movie at all, but I think you already figured that out, right?

The movie ended around 1am, and then we spent some time talking and enjoying each other’s company.  We talked a bit about why things ended, and I asked him if I had pushed him too far or asked too much of him when we were dating.  And then he said something that really made me feel wonderful: “Bella, it was never about your personality.  I love your personality, even though you are intense at times.  You might be too much for some people – too strong, and a bit intimidating – but I love that about you.  I can handle you.  You’re not intimidating to me at all. And I like the way we interact with each other.”  My heart melted.  Because he is so right.  Often, my personality is too domineering for people, men and women alike, but especially guys I’m dating.  I’m bold and blunt, and people don’t always know how to take me.  But Mr. Done always knew how to deal with me.  He stood up to me, and wasn’t overpowered by me.  He has enough of a personality and a bit of “smart ass” in him that he and I just “work.”

We spent a few more hours talking and at that point it was past 3am and he said, “why don’t you just sleep over? No expectations, no hidden agendas.  I just don’t think you should drive home this late when you’re tired.”  So, I did.  And it felt great.  It was nice to cuddle with someone without any expectations or things moving too far too fast.

I left this morning around 7am because I had a date with Mr. Sweet from eHarmony.  As I drove home, I realized that I didn’t want to go on the date with Mr. Sweet.  And not because of Mr. Done, or at least, not entirely.  Sure, when I compare the two, Mr. Done has more going for him than Mr. Sweet, because of our lifestyles.  I have a history with Mr. Done that Mr. Sweet can’t compete with.  Which may not be fair, but it’s how I feel.  I wasn’t too enthused about Mr. Sweet even before Mr. Done contacted me.  His having 3 kids is a lot for me, as I’ve already mentioned.  I started thinking that it was unfair to him to meet up with him, have him pay for lunch, etc., knowing that I wasn’t interested in pursuing anything long term with him.  So I texted him and told him that I didn’t think it was going to work out and that I didn’t want to meet up.  He asked if it was something he had said, and I told him that it wasn’t him at all, that someone from my past had contacted me, and I was interested in pursuing that, and plus I didn’t want to waste his time.  In true, sweet fashion, he said he understood, and wished me the best of luck.  He truly is Mr. Sweet.

So, at this point, I think it’s safe to say that Mr. Done will now be referred to as Mr. Maybe.  Not that I’m thinking that far ahead.  Or at least, I’m trying not to.  This time, I’m just going to go with the flow and let things happen as they’re meant to.

Either way, it should be fun.

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And he’s outta there

K and I had made plans to go out on Friday night.  He and I spoke on Monday, and he said he would “follow up” with me later in the week and let me know what he had come up with as far as where we should meet.  I told him not to make it too extravagant; just to keep it light.

On Thursday night at 9:30, I still hadn’t heard from him.  This was STRIKE ONE.  So I sent him an email asking if we were still getting together, what time, where, etc., so I could make plans for the rest of my afternoon/evening on Friday.

He emailed back on Friday morning, suggesting that we go to Dave & Busters (Really? Knowing the little he knows about me, I would hope that he knows that this is not the sort of place I’d like to go.  I mean, yes, for a company bonding, maybe.  But for a first date?  So not my scene!) at “1800 or 1900 hours.”  Seriously?  Military time?  It just seems like he’s trying too hard to remind me he was in the military.  (Which isn’t a plus or a minus in my book). Give me a break.  STRIKE TWO.

All day I was not really looking forward to the date.  Of all the places we could go and hang out, Dave & Busters would’ve been my last choice.  I mean, I would have been happy with going to Starbucks for an hour and then figuring things out from there.  But, as BFF said, I wanted to let him take the lead.  And this really did show me more about him than if I had made some suggestions.

So we met up at 7pm.  I got there right on time and he was already in the bar waiting for me.  He had finished almost all of his 25 oz beer – liquid courage?  Anyway, he looked something like his picture, although he was much heavier than either of the pictures on his profile.  Almost as if I was meeting his fatter, softer cousin or something.  But far be it from me to judge someone based on their weight, right?

We chatted amicably enough, but I did notice that he has a nervous laugh.  He laughs at things that aren’t really funny.  And he doesn’t have much conversation.  He’d ask me a lot of questions, which I’d answer, but he didn’t have anything else to say, unless prompted.  He did offer to buy me a drink right away, which was very gallant of him.

I suggested we play pool, and we did.  He plays just a little better than I do (which isn’t very well), but we had a good time.  At one point, I went on a crazy lucky streak and knocked 3 balls in a row in, making some amazing shots.  He called me a “hustler,” and I laughed and told him that I could only be a hustler if we were playing for money, which we weren’t.  We got another drink and played another game.  Unfortunately, my lucky streak ended, and I lost terribly.

We went outside for some air, because even though it was a really windy, rainy night, it was incredibly humid.  I had a smoke, even though I hadn’t planned on it, and he said he didn’t mind.  (Who knows if he did or not.  At that point, I didn’t particularly care).

Then we headed over to the table hockey, where my competitive side came out full force.  I had a great time playing, and I think he got to see my more intense nature, based on the way I was whacking the puck all around the table.

We headed to the bar for another drink, then went outside for some more air.  Outside we started talking about the election, or I did.  I was looking for my lighter in my purse when I came across my Obama 08 button.  I asked if he had decided who he was voting for and he responded with, “oh, I don’t vote.  I know that’s wrong of me, but I really don’t think it matters who is president, because it won’t affect my job, my finances, or my life in any way.”  I stood there dumbstruck by the ignorance of his statement.  Here is a man who is highly educated (2 masters degrees), yet he doesn’t see how voting affects his life?  I told him hearing that “hurt my heart.”  I said, “you know, if you would’ve said you were voting for ‘the other guy’ I would’ve thought you were making a mistake, but at least it would’ve showed you were part of the process. I really don’t know how to react to what you just said, except to say that I think you’re making a huge mistake by not voting.”  STRIKE THREE.

I think he knew he had fucked it up at that point, and we went inside to try to salvage a bit more of the night.  We played skee ball, which I found out I’m really good at.  (It’s all in the wrist).  After a few games, I think we both knew it was time for the evening to end.

He walked me to my car, and I gave him a quick, awkward hug. Awkward because he didn’t seem ready for it.

I had a much better time on the date than I had expected to.  K is a nice person, and was very gentlemanly and generous, offering to buy drinks, pay for the games, etc.  (I did buy a D&B card that allowed us to play air hockey and skee ball, because I didn’t feel it was right for him to pay for everything).  We just didn’t click.  At all.

I know I won’t be going out with him again.  Not just because he doesn’t vote, but because he seems so uncomfortable in his own skin.  He reminds me of M in a lot of ways.  Not confidant in himself at all, at least in a social setting, around women.  Plus, he works way too much, and I don’t think he could pay me as much attention as I’d like.  I didn’t get the sense that he’s very close to his family, which is strange to me, given that I’m so close.  I just think we have too many things that are different about us, even though “on paper” we seemed like a match.  That’s the moral of the story, I guess, you can have a service that checks the “39 elements of compatibility” (or whatever it is), but it can’t account for true chemistry.  For that you just have to go out and see what happens.

All in all, it was good to go on a date after a year and a half, but I know that there won’t be a repeat, at least with K.

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eHarmony update – from possibility to potential

Since my last post about the possible match with K, he and I have exchanged even more emails and had one long IM conversation.  I’ve gotten to know even more about him, and found out that a few of my other assumptions were incorrect:

• He does have a daughter.  I thought he didn’t because he didn’t mention her in his profile at all.  It turns out that she lives in South Carolina with her mom, and he only sees her in the summers.  She’s 12.
• He doesn’t want any more kids.  This is great because I decided some time ago that I don’t want to have children either.  He asked me about whether or not I wanted children and I told him that I feel that at this point in my life, having my own children aren’t in the cards.  Plus, I told him, I help and nurture 150 kids every year, which is great for me.  Turns out this works for him, as well.  In fact, he told me that he was going to be getting a vasectomy last Thursday.  I was a bit shocked at how he came out and told me this information, but I guess that he must meet quite a few women that really want kids, so it’s good for him to put his cards on the table right away.
• He is incredibly smart.  He has 2 Masters degrees and is going for an MBA.  He said that he wants to get a PhD someday.  He feels like he’s a lifelong learner, which I can totally relate to.
• He can speak Arabic.  I thought this was really interesting and worldly.
• He was in the military for 7 years as a translator/linguistic expert.  (I’ve never dated anyone who was in the military, and think that those who serve are exceptionally brave, but I’m not sure my politics meld with a military mindset, generally speaking).
• He’s lived all over the world and says that Behrain is one of his favorite places.

The conversation revealed that he has a wonderful sense of humor and just enough quirkiness about him to make him quite endearing.  He’s got a quick wit, and seems interested in pop culture.

“On paper” we’re a really good match.  He seems interested in me, as well.  So far no phone call.  In fact, he hasn’t asked for my phone number yet at all, but hopefully that’s coming soon.  The one thing about eHarmony is that it’s a s-l-o-w process.  But then I remind myself, it’s been 2 years since I’ve gone on a date worth mentioning, so taking a bit of time with someone who has a lot of potential is fine.

Hopefully there will be a bit more to report soon.

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eHarmony Possibility

So, without jinxing myself, I wanted to share an update about my eHarmony experience.

Up until last week, most of my “matches” were anything but.  I was starting to give up hope, and kept reminding myself that I signed up for 3 months and I hadn’t even hit one month into it, so I should try to be patient and see who comes up.  If you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, you know that patience and I don’t mix.

Then K was matched with me.  He is literally the first guy who:

1. Looked like someone I could see myself on a date with (from a superficial standpoint)
2. Didn’t have kids (not that this is a deal breaker, but since I don’t, it makes it a bit easier)
3. Holds a job that he seems to really enjoy
4. Lives in my city and not 100 miles away (even though I specified that I wanted to see matches within 50 miles, eHarmony keeps sending me people from all over the state.  Yes, sure, I’ll just take a quick flight down to LA so I can go to coffee with you.  Right!)
5. Has a great sense of humor.
6. Seems really intelligent (I can tell this because his sentences are well-written and he talks about things that have some substance).
7. Responds quickly to the multi-leveled communication hoops that eHarmony has set up.

He is also the first person that I’ve gotten to “Open Communication” with.  🙂  That sort of sounds like 2nd base, doesn’t it?  Trust me, it’s not that much fun.  Open Communication just means that he and I can write emails via eHarmony or off of it to each other.  We’re done with “sending questions,” “answering questions,” etc.

So far he’s written me 3 really lengthy emails.  He’s got a lot of interesting things to say, and I like the personality that comes through in his writing.  I don’t know if anything will come of it or not, but it’s sort of fun.

I’m just glad I’m not feeling like an eHarmony loser anymore.  LOL.

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Finally Friday

I know I haven’t written a real post on here in a while.  Not sure exactly why that is, other than the fact that I’ve been writing a lot more on my weight loss blog, and sometimes it’s hard to come up with content for both.  Or, the other obvious reason, because there hasn’t been a whole lot worth writing about going on in my life. 

So, I thought I’d do a quick recap/update of some of the things I’ve been doing

• I’ve been sticking to my Back to School Plan of staying 2 hours everyday after school to get my work done, rather than grading at home, on the weekends, and pulling all-nighters.  So far I’ve been really successful.  We just had grades due on Monday, and normally my weekend would’ve been stressful and I would’ve spent hours and hours grading.  Instead, I only spent about an hour grading my last 10 book reports that I hadn’t finished. It’s so nice to get home around 4:30 or 5pm everyday knowing that I have left school at school.  I know I have the entire evening stretched out ahead of me, and I can do whatever I want to with the time.  Weekends too.  It’s been great!
• On that note of having more free time, I really need to get some hobbies.  The last two years I have had almost no free time, so this idea of having idle time is sort of getting to me.  I know that I could/should use the time to workout, and I want to do that.  It’s just that reading a book on the couch sounds so much more fun than working out, ya know?  I think I’m going to tell myself that once I’ve been going to the gym or doing some other form of activity (bike riding, doing exercise DVDs, going for a walk, etc.) at least 5 days a week to start, then and only then can I entertain the idea of doing some other hobby.  Because the main goal I have in my life right now is to lose weight, so I feel like most of my efforts should be focused on that, if at all possible.  Ok, this bullet point was a good little pep talk for me.  🙂
• I joined eHarmony, but so far, the results have been nothing to write home about.  Or write a blog about.  None of the guys that are my “matches” are people I would want to go out with.  Not that they have anything wrong with them, per se, but they either live too far from me, are too old for me (11 years older is too old, I think), and seem to be in a different place in life than I am.  I paid for 3 months, so I’m hoping some diamond in the rough stands out and he and I decide we want to at least go on a date.  So far, I haven’t even entertained that idea with any of my so-called matches.  Ugh. 
• Any ideas of other places I can meet a nice guy? 
• The library has become my new favorite haunt.  I’ve been going at least once a week to return books and pick up new ones.  I’m like a reading machine.  I’ve always been an avid reader, but over the past two years I didn’t have as much time to devote to reading for pleasure, because I had so many things to read for my Masters program.  It’s so nice to read anything I want again.  You can click on my Goodreads link in my sidebar to see what I’ve been reading lately.  Mostly chick-lit because sometimes you just need to get lost in the fantasy, right?
• Now that I joined Weight Watchers, and I’m  eating real food again, I’ve been able to start cooking!  I’ve come to find out how much I really love cooking.  I want to start spending more time pouring over recipe books, creating meals and showing off my culinary creativity.  So much fun!!
• I’ve been enjoying spending time with friends and family.  Every weekend since school started I have been able to spend time with my parents, my sister, my nieces, and/or my friends.  It’s been great.  I’ve spent spa days, had cocktails, hosted a book club, gone to several dinners, and had lots of quick coffee/catch-up sessions.  I love reconnecting with all of my favorite people. 

So, that’s what’s been going on with me.  Nothing overly exciting, but all good things.  I’m enjoying the quieter side of life right now.  I’m learning to live life at a bit of a slower pace and enjoy each day.

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A date? That sounds like music to my ears!

I did it.  I finally took the scary step of getting back out there and dating again.  Well, I took the first step towards that, anyway.

It’s been more than a year and a half since I have gone out on a real date.  Wow, typing that out, it seems so long!  I guess it HAS been a long time, but my life was so crazy for the last two years with grad school and working full time that I really didn’t have time to date anyway.

So now that I’ve had some time to breathe and look at how I’m spending my evenings and weekends, I’ve decided it may be time to start dating again.  Don’t get me wrong, Gossip Girl, Project Runway, Heroes, Mad Men, Biggest Loser, etc. keep me nicely occupied most of the time, but lately I’ve been missing the excitement of being with people of the opposite sex.  The getting-to-know-you, the getting dressed for a date, the anticipation of a first-time meeting, the flirting, the did-he-have-a-good-time-too? — all of the things that go along with dating.  I can’t believe I actually missed some of that stuff, but it’s true, I have.

I am also at the point in my weight loss where I feel ready to date again.  Now, I know, I know, I shouldn’t be concerned with such superficial things as how I look, but I am.  I feel more confident and sexy and desirable at this weight than I did when I was 55 pounds heavier.

I’ve chosen to sign up for eHarmony because I think it seems like the best option out of the online dating sites out there.  Plus, I have to admit, their more recent commercials are really good.  I’m a consumer, what can I say?  I’ve tried Yahoo! Personals and Match.com in the past, and never met anyone I’d bring home to Mom, if you know what I mean.  Most of the guys on those sites aren’t into finding a lasting relationship – they’re out for a quick romp.  Maybe that’s true of most guys, regardless of online or not, but I think that there must be some men out there that are looking to find a fun person to spend time with. (ME!!).

So Friday night, Neece came over and I signed up for eHarmony.  When I told her of my plan to get back into the dating scene, she said that she wanted to be there when I signed up on eHarmony because she wanted to make sure I wasn’t over-analyzing the questions.  (The last time I signed up on eHarmony, I got a bunch of responses from Jesus-freaks (sorry, it’s the only way I can put it).  I’m not sure what the heck I said in my questionnaire that would prompt the eHarmony system to match me up with guys like that, but needless to say, I didn’t find anyone I wanted to date from that pool).  I thought it would be a good idea for her to make sure that I was reading the question correctly and that my response was accurate.  You know how sometimes you answer a question with what you think you’d like to be, rather than who you really are?  Ya, well, I wanted to avoid that.

So, I’m on eHarmony.  And I have some matches that sound good on paper.  I haven’t paid for my subscription yet (payday is coming soon!), so I can’t see any of the photos of the guys.  Which sucks!  I mean, I know looks shouldn’t be that important, but they are.  I mean, they’re not everything, but they are something.  It’s like a blind date without being able to see what the guys look like, you know?  Who wants that?  Oh, and also?  I can’t respond to any of their questions for me without signing up, so our communication is at a standstill right now.  Sigh.

I can’t wait to actually really begin this process and see what develops.  I’m going to give eHarmony 6 months, after that, I’ll pursue other avenues.  What those avenues are, I have no idea.   This should make for some fun blog entries, don’t you think?

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Wishful thinking?

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always thought that my life would magically improve once I lost weight. Almost as if dropping the pounds would send out a signal to the universe that it was time for all good things to come into my life at the same time.

“When I’m thin, I’ll…”

• have a fabulous wardrobe.
• find “The One,” and fall as madly in love with him as he is with me.
• exercise all the time. I won’t even need to think about it, it’ll just be natural.
• be able to do anything that I want.

Now, it’s true that I’ll be able to find a lot of clothes that fit me, from a huge variety of stores. I won’t be limited to one or two “plus-sized” stores. The thing that I never factor into this is that I won’t be making any more money than I do right now, so how will I be able to afford all of these clothes? Not sure about that one. In fact, I bet I’ll be spending so much money on clothes (I know myself well), that money might be a lot tighter than it is now. But, I guess that’s the type of money problem I won’t mind having.

Somehow I’ve always tied my weight loss into finding the right guy. It’s a mental thing, I know, because there are tons of people out there who are overweight but have found love. And there are lots of thin people who haven’t met their significant others. I explained my thoughts on this in an earlier post. What I need to realize is that if I live my “thinner” life the way I currently do, I still won’t meet anyone. Mr. Wonderful isn’t going to come knocking on my front door or waltzing into my classroom. I’m going to need to put myself out there more than I do now. Which is fine with me. I’ve kind of put men on hiatus (the Man Fast), because I haven’t felt like dating anyone. I’ve wanted to put my concentration on myself and losing weight right now. Once I’m at a weight/size that I’m more comfortable with, I am going to join Match.com or eHarmony, or something like that. Because it seems that at 36, there aren’t that many opportunities for meeting men other than online dating. It’s not like it was in college, where you meet tons of people all the time and everyone is a potential date. When you get to be in your mid 30’s life gets more settled, more routine, and the opportunities for meeting men become somewhat limited. Which is not to say I wouldn’t be open to meeting a great guy at the grocery store, the gym, a bar, or at a bookstore. Because I would. But the likelihood is a bit slimmer, I think.

I’m hoping that if I really start working out and enjoying moving my body, whether it’s at the gym, in a yoga class, or riding a bike, it’ll stick. So many people who have lost weight seem to change their lifestyles and incorporate exercise as a natural part of that change. It make sense, but I’m hoping this will be the case with me. I know that if I don’t start exercising regularly and making it an almost daily habit, the weight will creep back on. It’s happened to me before, and I don’t want that to happen again. I feel like I’ll be putting too much into losing the weight to accept it back, under any circumstances.

I don’t feel stifled in doing anything right now. Well, at least not most things. I am a really confident person and have never let my weight stop me from doing the things that I enjoy. There are a few things that I avoid because of my weight like riding roller coasters (I don’t think the safety bars would “click” into place at my current weight) or sky diving (they don’t make those suits big enough for me, I’m guessing). So, once I lose most/all of my weight, you can bet that I’ll be hitting the amusement park and making an appointment to go sky diving. Actually, I’m hoping that I’ll be able to try a bunch of new things that haven’t occurred to me to do at this weight. I’m a fairly adventurous person, and I can’t wait to see what I end up trying once I don’t feel encumbered by this weight.

I’m hoping that my “When I’m thin I’ll…” ideas aren’t just wishful thinking, and that they will all become realities. I know some of them will be easier to accomplish than others, but here’s hoping for the best.

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Belief = Reality

If you believe something to be true in your life, does that set up a system where it then becomes your reality? I think that in most cases this is true, at least it is for me in my life.

For example, I have come to believe that losing weight this time around is going to work for me. Something’s different in my mindset, and therefore I am confident that I’m going to be successful. It has become my reality.

Another belief I have held for a long time is that I will not meet a quality man to share my life with until I lose the weight. Now, I know that many of you reading that statement will scoff and say, “it’s not about the way that you look that matters, someone should love you for you, the person inside.” While that is all well and good, reality doesn’t (hasn’t) worked that way.

Which is not to say that I haven’t dated while I’ve been fat, because loyal readers of this blog know that’s not true. I’ve dated. A lot. What has been missing though, is the characteristic of QUALITY. At this weight, most of the men who answered my personal ad online (when I had one up) were not the type of men I want to date: uneducated, looking only for “one thing,” and/or not my type physically. These guys weren’t really looking for a girlfriend, they were looking for a good time in bed. And I’m looking for so much more than that. You might say that beggars can’t be choosers, but I totally disagree. I can be picky about who I spend time with because I’d much rather be by myself enjoying life than with someone who I consider a “filler.” Why waste time dating someone who I can’t see myself with long term? Or even short term?

The measuring stick I’ve used for a few years now is this: Would I date this person if I were thin? If the answer is no, then I believe there is no reason I should date him while I’m fat. I have plenty of friends in my life to spend my time with, and while my social life hasn’t been overwhelming lately, that’s due mostly to lack of time more than anything else.

Which brings me back to my original statement. The belief that I won’t meet a truly quality person to have a relationship with until I’ve reached my goals as far as weight loss and leading a more healthy lifestyle are concerned have made that my reality. It’s almost as if I feel that I’m not ready (emotionally or physically) for The One until I have achieved my weight loss goals. And I don’t see that as a bad thing — why should/would someone want to be with me until I’m the best me I can be? I don’t want to find a man who needs to work on a ton of things in his life — I want to meet a man who has his shit together and who comes to me whole and complete.

I know that weight loss isn’t a magic pill that will suddenly make my dream man walk through my front door, but I do believe that it will help my attractiveness to men, which is the first step in meeting someone.  I don’t see it as putting my life on hold.  I see it more as concentrating my efforts (time, money, etc.) on myself so that I can become the person I know I am inside.  I want the outside to match the inside, and until that happens, I’m fine with being a single girl about town.  It will make meeting my man (aka The One) in the future all the more special.

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Tacky Christmas Sweater Party Leads to a New Crush

CTLB invited a few of us to go to a Tacky Christmas Sweater Party that her friend was throwing. It sounded like a great reason to have a good time, and a nice way to celebrate the end of a long week.

Not owning any tacky sweaters, especially tacky Christmas sweaters, I scoured a nearby thrift store to see if I could find something that would work. The place was dirty and disgusting, and they didn’t have anything. I should’ve checked out the Goodwill, but I didn’t so I headed to Mervyn’s in search of something. I figured that if worse came to worse, I could just buy a red sweatshirt and then go to Michael’s and get some sort of Christmas-y iron on appliqué.

I headed to the men’s section to get a sweatshirt that would fit, but on my way I saw a display of fleece pjs. I was so happy to see that they had some holiday ones. I found one that had a red background and snowman snow globes all over it. It came as a pj set for $20 and they had my size — XXL. Not only was it holiday, it was soft and comfy. Perfect! (And no, I didn’t wear the pj bottoms, only the top, with some jeans — BeachGirl asked about that!)

So on Saturday CBCB and I headed up to SF to meet up with CTLB, her fiance M, and all of their friends.

The house was in the Marina district, and for an apartment rented by two straight guys, it was really clean, nicely decorated, and well put together. It was also pretty big, by SF standards. I’m sure the guys pay a pretty penny for the apartment, but since they both work with stocks, I’m sure they can afford it.

It was great to see CTLB and M, and to meet some of their friends. One of M’s old high school buddies was in SF for the weekend, on leave from the Navy, and he was so fun. I have found that I love the personalities of people from Boston — the phrases, the down-to-earth nature, the fun-loving spirit — they just seem so warm and welcoming.

One weird part of the party was that I felt like everyone was staring at me. Granted, I was wearing a bright red pj top with snowman globes all over it, but then again, everyone was wearing crazy Christmas sweaters. Also, I was one of the oldest people there, by far, since most of them were in their mid to late 20s. I’m not usually paranoid, nor do I usually feel self conscious, but there was something about the way that some of the girls were staring that made me sort of uncomfortable.

Nothing a couple of plastic cups full of red wine wouldn’t cure, though. 😉 (Don’t worry, red wine is allowed on Phase 2 of SBD, so I’m fine).

All of the people who are CTLB and M’s friends are really cool, especially A, a bartender who works at their local bar. She is one of the sweetest girls I’ve ever met, and I hope I get a chance to get to know her a bit better.

I had a great time at the party, and at a couple of bars we hit afterwards. I always have a fun time whenever I hang out with CTLB and M. Add CBCB and a few Bostonians to the mix, and that’s all you need for a party worth blogging about.

Another highlight of the night was that I found a new crush. G, who is co-owner of the place M works. He’s from Boston, 1/2 Italian, and so much fun. He’s enthusiastic, really personable, and is very cute. Dark haired and from Boston? He may be in contention for becoming my FBBF (future Boston boyfriend). Some funny “gossip” about him is that all of his friends think he might be a virgin… at 32 years old. Apparently he was with a girl for a very long time, but since she was a devout Christian, they didn’t have sex. He hasn’t been with anyone else, so they think he’s a virgin. I told M that G may have had a one night stands or something, who knows? Just because he hasn’t dated anyone doesn’t mean he’s still a virgin. Does it? I admit, it’s kinda strange. But I don’t really care about that, he’s cute, sweet, and nice. I told CTLB and CBCB that I’d “pop his cherry,” and they both got mad at my use of that phrase. Blame the crassness of the language on the amount of alcohol in my system at the time. I also said, “I’ll see him again in about 50 pounds, and maybe something can happen.”

He’s going to CTLB’s wedding, so you never know…

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Check-In: Summertime Goals

Since the summer is about halfway over, I thought I’d check in on my summer goals: 

• Working in industry.  This has been going really well, although my work is very solitary, which can become quite boring and routine.  Most days it’s just me, my computer, and my cube.  No interaction with other people at all.  Although I must say, this has made for a very low stress situation, which is exactly what I needed this summer.  I have decided to try to take a real summer vacation next year, because I know I’m going to need the break after my grad school program is over.  Now it’s just figuring out a way to save enough money so that when I go back east for CTLB’s wedding, I won’t have to scrimp on anything. 
• Living like a “normal” person.  This has been going really well.  I am able to leave work at work and get out and see my friends and do things.  I’ve begun to set up a routine for cleaning the house and keeping things in order, which makes me feel really organized.  I feel like I’m starting to achieve some balance in my life. 
• Losing a serious amount of weight.  This one hasn’t gone so well so far.  I’ve been eating a lot more healthily, but I haven’t seen any major drop in weightloss.  I think part of this is the water I have been retaining, which is now starting to be released, thanks to the water pill I’ve been prescribed.  I have begun measuring my food and keeping track of my portions, with only minor “setbacks.”  The goal is still to lose enough weight for people to notice a change in me.  I have more than a month before school starts, so hopefully I’ll be able to reach this goal.  I’d love to lose the 20lbs the doctor said it will take for my blood pressure to return to normal.  That sounds like a manageable goal, considering the amount of weight I have to lose.  Ok, so new goal: -20lbs by August 27.
• Creating (and sticking to) a workout regimen. This goal hasn’t been met at all.  I have found it really difficult to wake up in the mornings and go work out.  Part of it is the thought of the long commute I have everyday.  For some reason, I get the idea in my head that if I don’t wake up at 5am and go workout, I’m done for the day.  I have been feeling really stressed about this.  Each morning I wake up at 6:30 or 7 or 7:30 and feel so mad at myself because I think it means I won’t have time to work out.  In reality, I have enough flexibility in my job that I can get there whenever I want to (within reason).  I could get up at 7:30, go to the gym, be home by 8:30 and then get ready to go to work.  No biggie.  For some reason I’ve built it up in my head that if it’s not 5am, it’s nothing.  That’s a problem I have in a lot of areas in my life — this all or nothing mentality.  I’ve been trying really hard to tell myself that I can go workout in the morning, no matter what time I wake up.  Or, if that doesn’t happen, go in the evenings when I get home from work or at night.  Although I usually can’t motivate myself enough to go to the gym when I get home from work.  I did go to the gym on Tuesday, and it felt great.  See, once I actually get there I enjoy pushing my body to the limit and seeing what it is able to do.  I love listening to the workout playlist I’ve made on my iPod and really getting into it.  So I am recommiting to working out at least 3 weekday mornings a week.  No matter what time I wake up, I will go to the gym.  End of story. 
• Quitting smoking.  This one is another that I haven’t been successful at.  I was ready to do it.  Bought the Commit lozenges and everything, but just couldn’t shake the nagging/panicky feeling when I need a cig.  I hate it and it’s disgusting and I want to quit by the time school starts.  I did sign up with Breathe program through Kaiser Permanente, and I have found some useful and motivating ideas from it.  Now I just need to put those ideas into action.  I’m not giving up on this one, even though part of me doesn’t really want to quit.  I know I have to. 
• Dating.  This one turned into A Man Fast.  Seriously, I’ve  decided no more boys for me for a while.  I have too many other things that I’m working on in my life, and I want to put my energy into that right now.  More importantly, I haven’t found any interesting prospects at all, so it all works out quite well, you see. 
•  Re-joining my family.  I’ve been able to hang out with my family quite a bit.  Cocktail hour with my parents quite often, hanging out with my sister, going to dinner with Favorite Cousin and her dining group, dinners at my parents’ house, and welcoming my new niece into the world.  It’s been so nice to reconnect with my family.  I love them all so much, and genuinely miss them when I can’t spend time with them. 
• Enjoying the free summer concerts.  So far I’ve only gone to one free music concert in the park, but that one was really fun.  They also have free movies outside once a week, so I would love to go to a few of those, too.  The nice thing is that the reason I haven’t made it to more free concerts is that I’ve been out doing other things with friends and family.  As long as I’m getting out and about and enjoying myself,  it’s all good. 
• Using my Netflix membership the way it was meant to be used.  Boy, have I.  I’ve been watching movies or shows almost every night, which is so fun.  I’ve gotten really into Rescue Me — I LOVE this show.  One of my friends mentioned how much he loves the show, and I watched the current season on FX a few times.  I was hooked.  I’ve put seasons 1-3 in my queue on Netflix so I can catch up with the character development and story line.  Other movies I’ve seen: Hairspray (the John Walter’s original version), Notes on a Scandal, Volver, Little Miss Sunshine, Almost Famous, and Margaret Cho: Assassin.  I’ve really been enjoying all of the things I’ve been watching, but if any of you have any suggestions, please leave them in the comments.
• Reading whatever I want to.  I am currently reading The Girls by Lori Lansens for my book club.  It is one of the best books I’ve read in a long time.  The premise is quite strange, but amazingly creative.  I am 3/4 of the way through the book, and I don’t want it to end.  On my bookshelf waiting to be read: A Thousand Splendid Suns (Khaled Hosseini), The Blood of  Flowers (Anita Amirrezvani), Saving Fish from Drowning: A Novel (Amy  Tan), Reading Like a Writer (Francine Prose), The Beck Diet Solution (Judith Beck), and The Keep (Jennifer Egan).  I also have quite a few journalism books to read, since I’ll be teaching that class in the fall.  Oh, and I do have one book to read for my grad school class, as well.  It feels so indulgent to sit  for hours and read, but I am relishing the indulgence.  If only I had access to a pool… then things would be perfect. 
• Decorating the duplex.  Progress has been made in this front, as well.  I haven’t gone to buy the couch yet, but as soon as I get paid on the 31st, I’m going.  (Well, that weekend, anyway).  My mom came over to help me figure out how I’m going to arrange the furniture in my living room, and we came up with a plan that should make the room look even cosier.  My dad is going to paint my bathroom, bedroom, kitchen, and dining area starting next week/weekend.  I’m going to assist him as much as I can, but mostly this will just mean keeping him fed and staying out of the way.  Although I do know how to paint pretty well, and plan to paint quite a bit.  Then I’ll finally be able to start using my tangerine duvet!!  I’ll post pics once all of this decorating is done. 

Doing this check-in has really helped me feel a lot better today.  I’ve been feeling sort of down on myself because I haven’t really done the working out/weightloss like I wanted to.  When I look at all that I have accomplished already, I feel really proud of myself.  I’m really making strong progress at changing my life for the better and enjoying myself more.  I want to make all of this second nature so that when school starts back up, I’ll still be able to maintain it to some degree.  I want to be a healthier, more balanced person, and completing these goals is the first step toward that.   

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A Man Fast

What is a Man Fast, you ask? Well, it’s a term that BeachGirl used a few months ago when she was simply fed up with the men she’d been dating. She decided to lay off men for a while and just concentrate on all the other things she had going on in her life.

I have decided to adopt this policy for several reasons:

• I’m finding no one interesting or worth getting dressed up for on Yahoo Personals. I realize this means that no one who I’d be interested in is finding me that attractive, as well. I know that there are lots of people who have had success with online dating, but so far, I really haven’t found a satisfying relationship from it.
• Mr. Done is now officially, completely Mr. Gone. I won’t go into too much detail here, but let’s just say that I realized that I deserved better than he was able to offer me. I could never give him what he wanted, and vice versa. Neither of us could be satisfied with what the other wanted/needed out of the deal, so I decided to really, truly end ties with Mr. Done. It felt liberating to finally realize that I needed to move on and have the strength to do it.
• I have a lot of other things going on right now that I need to put my energy into. I have goals that I want to accomplish before the end of August, and to do that, I have to be a bit more focused.

I’m not saying that I wouldn’t accept a date from a great guy if that opportunity presented itself, but for now I’m not going to actively seek it out.

Plus, as THEY say (you know, the ubiquitous “they,” right?):

“When you stop looking for a date/guy/relationship, that’s when one finds you.”

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The season of Self-Improvement

I’ve never been one to read self-help books, thinking they were filled with “knowledge” that anyone over a certain age should already know. Then, I began to look at my life and noticed all of the things I wanted to change or improve, and I thought to myself, “what I’ve been doing hasn’t brought me the ‘success’ I’ve been hoping for, so why not read a few books and see what I can gain from them?”

And so the massive shopping spree at Borders Books began.

First, I bought The Best Life Diet by Bob Greene. I had seen Bob on Oprah numerous times, and always thought the things he said about weightloss and living a healthy life made sense. Some of it was a common-sense approach, but other things seemed truly unique. Plus, he had gotten all of these food companies to put is “Best Life Diet” logo on their products (everything from Yoplait yogurt to Cheerios), so there must be some amount of confidence in what he was saying. It seems anything that is associated with Oprah hits it big, and I wanted to be able to read his book for myself. The two most important ideas that I got from the book were 1) to weigh yourself at the beginning of the whole thing and then not again for a month. Bob’s philosophy was that when you begin to make any sort of change to your diet and exercise, you’re going to experience ups and downs in your weightloss from week to week and checking all the time might become discouraging. Sure, you might lose 8 pounds the first week (I wish!), but most of that would be water weight. Once you start working out and using weights, you may gain a pound, which can cause a huge amount of disappointment to someone who’s working hard to make a change. After about a month of living with this new diet and exercise routine, all of the initial fluctuations should be normalized, and you will start seeing an accurate reflection on the scale. This made sense to me, although I haven’t put it into practice yet, because I really like checking in on the scale to see my progress. 2) Bob recommends beginning with exercise and then moving towards changing your eating habits. This was a new concept to me, because WW and almost any other diet plan I’ve been on has always said to begin with the food and then incorporate exercise into it. I think Bob changed the order because it’s difficult to begin too many changes at once. Exercise is the hardest part for many people, me included, so if you can get a routine down that works for you, you’ll soon want to start eating healthier. Why put a bunch of junk food into your system if you’ve just spent an hour on the elliptical machine trying to burn calories, right? Again, it makes sense. As for the rest of his ideas on dieting, they may work for some people, but I really like WW and I’m used to it, so I’m going to stick with that program, because I think it will work well for me.

Next up was a book that I hadn’t purchased, but that BFF lent to me. You’ve heard the title before and probably cringed at the “knowledge” it conveys: He’s Just Not That Into You. BFF gave it to me right after the “break up” with Mr. Done. I was so distraught that she thought it was time for me to read the book. I did read it, and some of the ideas were sound. The main thing I got from this book was that if a guy is interested in you, you’ll know it. You won’t have to do crazy manipulations or over-analyze his every word to decipher his feelings. He’ll show you by his actions and his words. If only the book had told me where to find one of these guys that might be into me, then I’d be in business.

ChrissyG sent me a website that she thought might be interesting, called Secrets of a Former Fat Girl. (The blog from the site is now on my blogroll, if you’re interested in checking it out). It turns out that Lisa Delaney also wrote a book, and with a name like that, how could I not buy it? I loved this book, mainly because so many of the things that Lisa wrote were things I had done or still do. She was amazingly honest about a subject that so many people try to hide. She “got” what it was like to be a fat girl. (Even though at 180, she wasn’t anywhere near my current weight). Still, much of her story and her experience was similar enough to mine that I could completely relate. Lisa also started exercising first, long before she began to think about what she ate. It wasn’t until she noticed that exercise alone wasn’t going to do the trick in losing the weight she wanted. She began WW, too, but she says in her book that people should find whatever healthy eating lifestyle works for them. I like that she’s not touting a certain diet or exercise program. She’s giving her experience and trying to help people with ways that they might overcome this battle. I’m really glad I got this book, because it was the impetus I needed to know that it could be done — I can lose weight — if I’m willing to take the steps needed to achieve success.

Also in the book bag was The Beck Diet Solution: Train Your Brain to Think Like a Thin Person. This one was recommended by Amy of Southern Fried Fatty. (Also in my blogroll). She really feels that the ideas that Dr. Beck outlines in her book are the key to successful weightloss. Again, Dr. Beck isn’t touting a diet, but more of a way of thinking about approaching a diet and weightloss program. The plan can be incorporated with any food program. I have only just begun to read this book, so I can’t give any more specific details about it, but once I’m finished with it, I will update this paragraph.

Finally, I bought a book that I’m almost embarrassed to reveal, but in the spirit of full disclosure, I will. (Good thing this blog is anonymous). It’s called The MANual by Steve Santagati. This was another book that I heard about on Oprah. The funny thing is, I never watch Oprah. Both of the times I had it on by chance, two books were discussed, and I guess I found them interesting enough that I bought them. I’m only in the opening chapters of this book, so again, I have to update this later. So far, Steve says that he’s a self-proclaimed Bad Boy and that all women secretly want Bad Boys. He makes a clear distinction that Bad Boys are not Players, at least not necessarily. The book is very down-to-earth and no-nonsense, so if I glean something from it that helps me with my dating dilemmas, I’m all for it. Plus, Steve is pretty easy on the eyes, so that helps.

So, there you have it. A bunch of self-improvement books to add to my bookshelf. Since I’m in the middle of reading a couple of them, I’ll make sure to make an update entry to let you know what I got out of them (if anything) and how my progress is going in improving my life.

The main thing I get out of all of this is that I’m at a point in my life where I want to be a better me — physically and emotionally. I am happy with myself and know that I can be even better than I am, which is completely positive and refreshing.

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