The great dating experiment, update #1

I’m not sure if I mentioned it on this blog or not, but a couple of weeks ago, I signed up for eHarmony (again!).  Third time’s the charm, right?  I paid for a 6-month subscription because I figured that I should give it a good shot this time around.

This first dating update is actually about a date I went on with someone an acquaintance of mine set me up with, so he wasn’t someone I met through eHarmony.  Our mutual acquaintance thought that S and I had a lot in common, similar backgrounds, etc. and thought we’d really get along.  She asked us both if we were interested in meeting, and we connected through Facebook.

That was back in April.  S and I exchanged a couple of emails, but he never asked me out, even for coffee.  I wasn’t overly thrilled with the idea of going out with him because he wasn’t attractive to me, based on the pictures he had of himself on his profile.  Also, he and I have different political philosophies, which is a pretty important thing for me when looking for a serious relationship. At this point I should mention that the acquaintance thought we’d have lots in common because we both went to the same Catholic grammar school, were both Italian, and both had weight issues.  The stuff great romances are made of, right?  I seriously don’t know if I should be insulted or not, because this guy is definitely not what anyone would consider remotely good looking.  Which  may be completely superficial of me, but while I have a ton of weight to lose, I know that I’m a pretty girl, and I’m not as desperate as this acquaintance seems to think I am.

But, regardless of the misgivings I had, a couple of weeks ago, right after I signed up for eHarmony, actually, I decided to contact S one last time just to see if there was anything there.  I sent him a quick and very direct message on FB asking him if he was still interested in seeing whether or not our acquaintance was right in thinking that we’d have a lot in common.  He responded fairly quickly to say that he would love to, and suggested that we meet for lunch or coffee sometime.

We met on Tuesday at a Starbucks that was close to each of our houses, because Starbucks is such a safe first meeting place.  A cup of coffee can’t last that long, right?  Tuesday just so happened to be my first day of school, so I thought that I’d have a few funny stories to tell in case there was a lull in the conversation.  Little did I know that there was no need for me to worry about adding to the conversation.

No, it’s not what you might be thinking – that we had such great rapport that we didn’t have any lulls to worry about.  It was that S talked and talked and TALKED the entire time.  I’m talking literally for 1 hour straight!  And not about something that was interesting, but complaining about family politics, bragging about how much money they had, how he’d had weight loss surgery (but still needed to lose about 75 pounds), and then saying that he was glad he’d never finished his undergraduate degree because he didn’t even need it.  Um, hello?  I’m a teacher. Do you think I might put a value on education?  Instead of impressing me, he was a complete turnoff.  The entire time he was ranting and raving about himself and his family, I just kept wondering how long I’d have to keep this up. I didn’t really say anything the entire time we were having coffee, which is incredible if you know me, because I can talk to anyone about anything, but he simply never stopped talking long enough to give me a chance to share a thing.

Then, just when we were going to leave, he said, “say, do you want to grab a bite to eat at that restaurant right there?”  At this point I think that something took over my mind and body because I actually said, “sure, that would be great.”  WTF?  Why the hell did I just agree to spend more time with this self-involved bore?  What the heck was I thinking?  I’m convinced it was penance for some past indiscretion I’ve committed.

We made it through dinner (which was way more calories than I should have eaten, and is probably the reason the scale showed a 2-pound gain this week), but not before he started bragging about his mafia connections.  For some reason he thought it would be impressive to say, “you know, in a snap of a finger, I could ‘get rid of someone’ if I needed to.  I know who to call to get it taken care of and I know just where to put the body so that it would never be found.”  Way to smooze the ladies, S.  Puleeze.  The thing is, my family actually had some organized crime connections, although we don’t really discuss that too often, so it was hilarious to me that this guy was such a poser.  I can almost guarantee you that he didn’t know any local mafiosos, mostly because my family knows who they all are.  In any case, there was absolutely no point to him saying any of that, whatsoever!  Was I supposed to feel safe that he could have someone “taken care of?”  I’m still not sure what his point was.

Now, beyond his looks, it was truly his attitude that left me wishing I could click my heels 3 times and teleport myself out of the restaurant.  He was smug, fake, a braggart, and one of those people who make themselves feel better by putting other people down.  Such a sign of insecurity.

So, the date finally ended with a quick hug.  I told him to have a good night and he mentioned that he hoped to see me at an Italian festival that was happening this weekend.  Ugh.  So he was obviously hoping we’d see each other again. And why wouldn’t he?  I was a great listener!  LOL.

When he called on Saturday to see if I wanted to meet him at the festival, I let it go to voicemail and didn’t call him back.  Rude, I know.  I felt a bit guilty this morning, so I sent him an email through FB letting him know that I was really busy yesterday and didn’t have a chance to call him back or go to the festival.  Then I told him that while I thought we had a ton in common, I didn’t feel the chemistry was there.  He responded saying that he agreed about the chemistry (right, man, that’s why you invited me to go out with you again), but that he hoped we could be friends.  I haven’t replied.

It was definitely one of the worst first dates I’ve ever gone on, and I’m hoping that the next date (whenever that happens) will be much better now that I’ve gotten a bad one out of the way.  There’s only one way to go from here, right? 😉

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eHarmony update – from possibility to potential

Since my last post about the possible match with K, he and I have exchanged even more emails and had one long IM conversation.  I’ve gotten to know even more about him, and found out that a few of my other assumptions were incorrect:

• He does have a daughter.  I thought he didn’t because he didn’t mention her in his profile at all.  It turns out that she lives in South Carolina with her mom, and he only sees her in the summers.  She’s 12.
• He doesn’t want any more kids.  This is great because I decided some time ago that I don’t want to have children either.  He asked me about whether or not I wanted children and I told him that I feel that at this point in my life, having my own children aren’t in the cards.  Plus, I told him, I help and nurture 150 kids every year, which is great for me.  Turns out this works for him, as well.  In fact, he told me that he was going to be getting a vasectomy last Thursday.  I was a bit shocked at how he came out and told me this information, but I guess that he must meet quite a few women that really want kids, so it’s good for him to put his cards on the table right away.
• He is incredibly smart.  He has 2 Masters degrees and is going for an MBA.  He said that he wants to get a PhD someday.  He feels like he’s a lifelong learner, which I can totally relate to.
• He can speak Arabic.  I thought this was really interesting and worldly.
• He was in the military for 7 years as a translator/linguistic expert.  (I’ve never dated anyone who was in the military, and think that those who serve are exceptionally brave, but I’m not sure my politics meld with a military mindset, generally speaking).
• He’s lived all over the world and says that Behrain is one of his favorite places.

The conversation revealed that he has a wonderful sense of humor and just enough quirkiness about him to make him quite endearing.  He’s got a quick wit, and seems interested in pop culture.

“On paper” we’re a really good match.  He seems interested in me, as well.  So far no phone call.  In fact, he hasn’t asked for my phone number yet at all, but hopefully that’s coming soon.  The one thing about eHarmony is that it’s a s-l-o-w process.  But then I remind myself, it’s been 2 years since I’ve gone on a date worth mentioning, so taking a bit of time with someone who has a lot of potential is fine.

Hopefully there will be a bit more to report soon.

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eHarmony Possibility

So, without jinxing myself, I wanted to share an update about my eHarmony experience.

Up until last week, most of my “matches” were anything but.  I was starting to give up hope, and kept reminding myself that I signed up for 3 months and I hadn’t even hit one month into it, so I should try to be patient and see who comes up.  If you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, you know that patience and I don’t mix.

Then K was matched with me.  He is literally the first guy who:

1. Looked like someone I could see myself on a date with (from a superficial standpoint)
2. Didn’t have kids (not that this is a deal breaker, but since I don’t, it makes it a bit easier)
3. Holds a job that he seems to really enjoy
4. Lives in my city and not 100 miles away (even though I specified that I wanted to see matches within 50 miles, eHarmony keeps sending me people from all over the state.  Yes, sure, I’ll just take a quick flight down to LA so I can go to coffee with you.  Right!)
5. Has a great sense of humor.
6. Seems really intelligent (I can tell this because his sentences are well-written and he talks about things that have some substance).
7. Responds quickly to the multi-leveled communication hoops that eHarmony has set up.

He is also the first person that I’ve gotten to “Open Communication” with.  🙂  That sort of sounds like 2nd base, doesn’t it?  Trust me, it’s not that much fun.  Open Communication just means that he and I can write emails via eHarmony or off of it to each other.  We’re done with “sending questions,” “answering questions,” etc.

So far he’s written me 3 really lengthy emails.  He’s got a lot of interesting things to say, and I like the personality that comes through in his writing.  I don’t know if anything will come of it or not, but it’s sort of fun.

I’m just glad I’m not feeling like an eHarmony loser anymore.  LOL.

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